


Victim to the Sands of Time

by Until_Tomorrow



Series: Child of Destruction [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Heavy Angst, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Reader has a palace, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unreliable Narrator, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:07:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25093603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Until_Tomorrow/pseuds/Until_Tomorrow
Summary: Fate has always been ever changing: never one path and never quite what one predicts.  But for those you want to save, you will pay any price.A collection of stories of what could have been.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Reader, Amamiya Ren (Persona Series)/Reader, Kurusu Akira/Reader
Series: Child of Destruction [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1803901
Comments: 224
Kudos: 337





	1. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(1)

**Author's Note:**

> I return with more reading material! I apologize if these are much shorter than the chapters in the last story, but I can't do those longer chapters like I used to. I'm doing this for my health. Please understand.
> 
> These stories take place in a sort of floating timeline. I purposely left things in the previous story vague, so you can set this particular one sometime after the timeline where the reader reset the Game after Joker's friends were killed in her Palace.

It's always the same. Play the Game, lose, die, repeat. The same months over and over again. To be fair, you're the one repeating the same cycle in an endless spiral of misery. You can stop at anytime, but just like the last time you played a Game similar to this one, you're at a point where you _can't_ stop anymore. To do so would be a betrayal of your values, of your ideals, of your commitment to save those dear to you.

Inokashira Park is tranquil in the late afternoon light. The sun hangs low in the sky, its glow piercing through the gaps between the tree branches. Your voice softly hums a familiar tune as birds chirp merrily, oblivious to your inner turmoil.

The voices in your head are less prominent here. The smell of the lake and the earth around you puts you at ease. Other people often avoid this side of the park, perhaps finding your presence unnerving. It's to be expected, you suppose.

_You are nothing more than a monster._

You shake your head, dispelling the sudden wave of vertigo. Such thoughts have no place here. As you delicately fiddle with the bracelet on your wrist, you hear someone clear their throat from behind you. You've never heard it before. It's a delicately, high-pitched feminine voice, and at first, you believe a child is speaking to you.

“Excuse me, are you all right?”

You turn slowly, and as you face her, you distinctly hear her breath catch in her throat. The girl who stands before you is pretty, with a slim figure and sleek red hair tied into a high ponytail with a red ribbon.

“Pardon me for saying this, but…I noticed you were all alone and I thought you could use some company? But if that's too much trouble, I'll just be on my way.”

How intriguing. “…What is your name?” you ask softly, and her expression clears.

“Oh! I'm Kasumi Yoshizawa. It's very nice to meet you.” She bows and looks at you expectantly.

She's certainly cheerful. “(First Name) (Last Name).” You keep your tone as neutral as possible, but you're honestly somewhat curious. There's a strange aura around her. Another major player? It's possible. Fate is a curious thing. Where does this path lead?

“Um…I like your singing! You have a very lovely voice,” Kasumi states boldly, before quickly backpedaling at your unchanging blank stare. “Oh, I'm sorry. Was that too forward?”

There's a certain naivete in the way she addresses you. She's too earnest, too open, and far too trusting. There's also something else there, something odd. It's a deeply-rooted sadness that makes her seem almost tragic. Has she suffered a loss? It appears that way. Whatever it is, she looks as if she's moved on from it. That, or she's suppressing it well.

“Thank you,” you reply. Having done a few runs as a Performer back home certainly helped with your singing. You couldn't exactly provide support without a passable voice, after all.

“I'm actually meeting a friend of mine here for some training soon,” she says brightly. “I'm a gymnast, you see, and I find it helps motivate me if I have a partner training with me.”

What on earth is a gymnast?

You nod instead and this seems to satisfy her. There's the sound of footsteps, heavier this time. It takes every ounce of your control not to betray any outward emotion when you see Ren approaching the pair of you.

So this is Kasumi's friend. The once tranquil environment is now a thing of the past, the ugly voices in your head returning with a vengeance. Why now? Why him?

_You know exactly why. If you run from fate, it will eventually catch up to you. Even gods are subject to its whims, and you're no exception._

“Oh, senpai!” Kasumi says, oblivious to your growing agitation. “Glad you could make it.”

Ren is as quiet as ever, nodding at her while giving you a precursory glance. For a moment, your heart nearly seizes in your chest as he does a double take. Does he recognize you? Could this be the world where he returns your precious asterisk? His cheeks are the barest shade of pink, though you think you're the only one who notices.

“Have we met before?” he asks, and your heart sinks.

“Perhaps,” you reply cryptically, and he frowns. It's not a lie, at least.

_Tell him the whole truth! Maybe he'll actually call the authorities on you this time._

“You should join us, (Last Name)-san,” Kasumi says brightly. It takes you a moment to register that she's addressing you. “We're doing some stretches today, and I'd like to get acquainted with you.”

Your first instinct is to accept. No doubt she would provide a new connection, another piece to winning the Game. But major players are unpredictable and there is the possibility that she could end up being a hindrance. An unknown variable can be dangerous, even someone as harmless-looking as Kasumi.

Your heart tells you that she seems nice, that she took the time to approach you with no malicious intent. But your mind is screaming at you to trust no one but those you intend to save.

_Trust no one._

The pain in your head builds as the voices grow louder, but you try and bury it as you always have. It unfortunately makes everything worse as the voices begin to shriek and you give your head a shake to clear it. It doesn't help.

“...san? (Last Name)-san?”

The press of a warm hand on your shoulder actually causes you to jolt and react instinctively, slapping it away from you in a panic.

“Don't touch me!”

You freeze, feeling shame curl your insides as Ren and Kasumi stare at you in shock. Kasumi holds her hand close to her body, and you're mortified to see a slight red mark where you've struck her.

“I…I'm sorry,” you say. “Please, I…” Your expression twists in anguish and you back up several paces. “I need to be alone.”

You turn and walk away at a brisk pace. Behind you, you hear Kasumi faintly say, “Did I do something wrong…?”

Ren's stare bores holes into your back, even long after you've disappeared from their sight.


	2. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news, everyone. I can take off my stupid arm braces now so that means more frequent updates. Still bite-sized chapters compared to the last fic, though. I hope you don't mind. Carpal tunnel sucks.

A few mega elixirs, several elixirs, quite a number of hi-potions, some phoenix downs, and only a few ethers are all that's left of your medicinal stock. Your frequent forays into Palaces have done quite a number to it, but there are no apothecaries that carry potions, and you're not ready to try the medicine they have in the stores. Granted, you aren't in dire straits, but your supplies have dwindled to the point where you need to start considering other options.

You've never been an alchemist and you curse yourself for your lack of foresight. You can heal yourself just fine with your magic, but if you're caught unaware, you'll have no ethers to replenish your mana. Perhaps there are a few natural ingredients that can suffice.

Your search takes you to a part of Tokyo you've never explored before. You see different restaurants, and some stores that sell accessories of some kind. There's nothing useful here. You'll have better luck in Shibuya or Shinjuku.

You sigh and adjust the strap on your rucksack. A wasted effort. As you slowly make your way back to the train station, you feel a tap on your shoulder. Pushing down your irritation, you turn around only to be confronted by a shock of sleek red hair and a very nervous-looking Kasumi.

“Oh, I'm glad I finally found you!” she says, a wobbly smile on her face. Ren stands several feet away, watching the pair of you with a neutral gaze.

Why?

Why does this always happen? You just wanted to look for medicine…

“I wanted to apologize to you, (Last Name)-san,” she continues. “I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable the last time we talked.”

What.

“I…That's…” you mumble, at a loss for what to say. She's far too polite and it's throwing you for a bit of a loop.

“Let me make it up to you!” Kasumi says brightly. “I know a good restaurant in Shibuya that's pretty cheap. I'll treat you!”

“Wha-” You don't get a word in as Kasumi tugs you toward the train station, Ren following behind you like a silent shadow.

* * *

You recognize the diner Kasumi takes you to. You've been in here once upon a time, before you and Akechi became friends. Of course, you weren't enemies then. You're nostalgic for a time gone by, but you still can't trust Akechi. It's a complicated feeling.

Actually, now that you think about it, where is Akechi? He normally finds you by now. Add yet another anomaly to this world.

It's the three of you now crammed into a booth. You and Kasumi on one side, Ren on the other. Seeing him so close to you is doing funny things to your heart. You keep your eyes lowered in order not to look at him, but you feel his stare boring holes into your head.

You're deeply uncomfortable, but you try not to let it show. As long as the voices don't start up again, you'll be fine. You just wish you didn't have to deal with this blasted headache.

“Please order anything you like,” Kasumi says gently.

You blink and notice the waitress has been waiting patiently for you this whole time. Mortified, you quietly order a coffee. You just want to leave.

“So, (Last Name)-san, what do you do for a living?”

You fiddle with your bracelet for a moment before answering. “I'm an instructor.” You can't exactly tell her you're not human, or that you're not even from this universe originally, so this is the next best thing. It's not technically a lie. Not really.

“Like a voice coach?” Kasumi prods, and you duck your head, feeling embarrassed. Ever since Kasumi had stumbled upon you singing in Inokashira Park, you'd only done so inside Palaces, where no one could hear you except the Shadows that lurked there.

“I…no. It's just a hobby…” You breathing is starting to pick up and you try to calm your nerves, but it's nearly impossible with Ren watching you so intently.

Luckily, the waitress arrives with your orders and you sit in silence while Kasumi and Ren talk about mundane things, such as a sort of training to increase their stamina. Remembering the last time Kasumi offered you to join them, you curl in on yourself and keep quiet.

Even though you never look up, you can tell Ren is animated in the way he gestures as he talks. He and Kasumi have this easy back and forth that honestly makes you feel very left out. Your coffee tastes like ash in your mouth as you try to swallow back the bitterness that rises up like bile in your throat.

You want Ren to look at you the way he used to before that disastrous run in your Palace. The way his eyes would grow soft whenever you and he had a quiet moment alone. But it's useless. You're useless. You can't tell him what you used to be even though he promised he would listen. Even though you're wedged in a diner with two people, you feel inexplicably lonely.

_Why am I even here?_

The conversation suddenly stops and you look up to find both Ren and Kasumi staring at you with wide eyes.

Oh. Oh no. You said that out loud.

Gods, you're such a fool.

“I've done it again, haven't I?” Kasumi mumbles. “I just assumed you'd be okay with this and now I've gone and made you feel uncomfortable… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so pushy.”

This feels weirdly inconsistent to what little you've seen of Kasumi's personality. She comes across as cheerful and confident, but she's being strangely meek and withdrawn now.

“It's fine,” you say quietly. “It's not your fault. I shouldn't have said that. It was awfully rude of me.” You stand up, quickly gathering your things. “Thank you for the coffee. I'm sorry to have wasted your time.” You incline your head and head out the door.

Once outside, you sigh, feeling the burn of tears behind your eyes. Even when you try to stay out of everyone's way, you somehow manage to mess it all up. What's wrong with you? Why can't you just keep your baggage to yourself?

“(Last Name)-san!”

What now?

“You dropped this,” Kasumi says, slowing to a stop. Ren trails closely behind her and you feel like slime for making them leave the diner before finishing their meal. There's something glittering in her palm and it takes you a moment to realize it's an asterisk. How on earth did it fall out of your rucksack?

“I think your bag has a hole in it,” she continues as you take it from her.

“Ah…” Sure enough, there's a small tear near the bottom. Your potions are safe, but it's big enough for small objects to slip through. You resist the urge to sigh again. You just want one day where something doesn't go wrong.

Ren's staring at the asterisk with an intensity that scares you a little and as you tuck it away in your pocket, you meet his eyes for the first time. You don't know what he's thinking as you stare at each other, but Kasumi breaks the stand-off by pulling out her phone.

“If you'd like, we can exchange numbers and talk.” Her face is so hopeful that you inwardly wince. You've never been able to resist the dreaded puppy-dog eyes. Edea often used it on you because she knew you would give in every time without fail.

“Why…” Your voice comes out shaky and you clear your throat before trying again. “Why are you being so nice…? I have nothing to offer you.”

Kasumi smiles, as radiant and warm as the sun. “Everyone needs a friend they can talk to. If you want…I could be that friend. But it's your decision.”

Her kindness and polite demeanor remind you so much of Agnès. You don't know if you should trust her or not, but…to be brutally honest, you're lonely. Even if it doesn't amount to anything, it would be nice to pretend.

When you take out your phone from your pocket, Kasumi visibly brightens and you exchange information. “Great! I'll text you and we can hang out if you like. Maybe you can teach me how to sing like you!” she giggles and her joy is so infectious that you even let the corners of your mouth turn up a little.

“Oh…” Kasumi's tone suddenly changes and you blink, confused. Did you do something weird?

“You have a lovely smile,” she says and for some inexplicable reason, you feel your face grow hot. Her eyes widen very slightly at your reaction and you lower your head.

“Um…thank you,” you mumble. “Er…I have to go now. Good luck with your training.” You've just turned away when you feel a tap on your shoulder.

It's Ren. He's holding up his phone as well. For a moment, you're tempted to turn it down, but he's making that _face_ and those _eyes,_ and—

“Oh, all right,” you mutter, and his face breaks out into a wide grin when you give him your number. Damn it all, but you're weak to that smile. Stupid Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kasumi's growing on me. Still not sure I did her justice, though. 
> 
> See you next chapter! Hopefully.


	3. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the smaller chapter sizes are better for my health. It gets updates out faster, at least.

You tear through nameless Shadows in Kaneshiro's Palace, the Conjurer's powers flowing through your body. A snap of your fingers and enemies fall like dominoes. You seldom wore the Conjurer's asterisk because of its emphasis on self-buffs as opposed to party-wide support, but now that you work alone, you can use its power to its fullest. Of course, by itself, the Conjurer job class can't really do much except raise your offenses and defenses to the max. But coupled with the Summoner secondary class, it is deadly.

You're still careful to not take any damage, though. Without a Persona, you are susceptible to the full might of a Shadow's attacks. You mitigate this somewhat by finding safe rooms and quietly healing your wounds without any interference.

Safe rooms also serve another purpose to you, but it's something you will never reveal to anyone.

When your past memories overwhelm you, you retreat to them to let out all your pent up feelings. Sometimes, you take out your frustration on it and trash the place, but most times you curl up into a ball and cry quietly to yourself. It gets to be too much sometimes, and you think that maybe, even as a goddess, it's okay to cry as long as you do it alone.

You miss them. You miss your friends, you miss your home, you miss Ren. You even miss the camaraderie you had with Akechi. You beat yourself up over your past mistakes. So many things you could have done differently.

The past is a heavy burden, after all.

You're so lost in your own grief and worthless self-pity that you fail to hear the sound of the safe room door opening.

“Whoa, holy shit! You weren't kidding, Mona. There really is someone in here!”

You freeze, your ragged breaths stilling in your chest. Why didn't you leave earlier? Gods, you're so stupid! And all because you decided to throw a pity party for yourself. Now the Phantom Thieves get to see you at the worst possible time, puffy eyes and all.

Your face burns with humiliation as you huddle lower in your place in the corner of the room. The touch of a hand on your shoulder inadvertently causes you to let out a frightened yelp and you smoosh yourself even further into the wall.

“Hey, it's okay. We've got you. You don't have to be afraid anymore.” It's Panther. She shuffles forward, her hand touching your shoulder again. This time, it lingers, rubbing small circles on the nape of your neck. Despite your awful mental state, it's oddly soothing. Slowly, you gather enough courage to lift your head.

You must look like a total wreck and it's only confirmed when Panther makes a sympathetic noise. She gradually brings you to your feet and you wipe your face on your sleeve, keeping your eyes lowered to the floor. You can't bring yourself to look at any of them.

“She must have wandered in here and found this safe room to hide in,” Fox muses. “Is that possible, Mona?”

“No. Humans can't go into the Metaverse without the app. But first things first. We need to get her out of here. It's dangerous to go into the Metaverse without a Persona. When she's out of harm's way and she's calmed down enough, she can tell us what happened to her.”

What.

Do they really think that you're a scared damsel? Didn't they see the destruction left in your wake?

“We're pretty far in,” Queen says, pensive. “Are we going to be okay?”

“Yeah, no kidding.” Skull rubs the back of his head, sighing. “We're gonna have to protect her all the way back to the entrance.”

The fact that they're treating you like a burden only makes your already foul mood even worse.

“We'll have to be careful as we make our way out of the Palace.” Mona turns to you. “Stay close to us, okay? We'll need to sneak our way through. If things get bad, make sure to stick to Joker. Can you do that?” When you nod, he hums in satisfaction. “All right, let's go.”

* * *

As you traverse through the Palace with the Phantom Thieves, you feel someone watching you and you know it's Joker without having to turn around. You wonder what he's thinking.

You're not surprised when you find the way out blocked by multitudes of Shadows. There's no way the Phantom Thieves are getting out unscathed.

“Damn it, what are we gonna do?” Skull hisses from behind you.

“There are too many of them. They look strong,” Panther whispers, her back pressed up against a pillar and one of her hands keeping you out of sight.

From your vantage point, one good wallop from Susano-o is enough to wipe them all out, and even then, that would be overkill. But doing so would mean revealing the true extent of your abilities. You'd have a lot of explaining to do.

It's better than taking the risk of them dying. Their powers are slowly getting stronger bit by bit, but at this point in time, you know their powers aren't anything special. Akechi could decimate them all without even batting an eye.

You heave a resigned sigh and slowly push yourself from behind the wall. As your staff materializes, you tap into Deus Ex, feeling the raw might of its magical power. Behind you, the Phantom Thieves cry out a warning for you to stop, but you ignore them, and raise your staff into the air. It's at this point that the Shadows notice you and charge at you head on.

The lights around you dim and the air grows charged with tension as you summon Susano-o, a powerful swordsman wielding a gigantic sword. Purplish-white lightning gathers in its sword and as you abruptly bring your staff down, Susano-o mirrors it. It unleashes a devastating torrent of non-elemental magic, drowning out the death cries of the unfortunate Shadows.

Susano-o vanishes, leaving only residual sparks of magic behind. Nothing remains of the Shadows.

You turn back towards the Phantom Thieves. “It is done,” you say quietly. You ignore the pang in your chest when you find nothing but shocked stares. Joker, on the other hand, seems pensive, and he fixes you with a calculating gaze.

Skull breaks the stand-off first. “What…what _are_ you?”

“Your Persona…it was so powerful,” Panther breathes, her eyes wide with admiration and perhaps a bit of fear.

The idea that your summons are anything like a Persona is so ludicrous that you almost laugh in their faces.

“It didn't feel like a Persona,” Mona says, frowning. “It felt…different, somehow.”

“Who cares if it felt different?” Skull cuts in, grinning. “What matters is that she helped us. It would be really awesome to have that kind of power backing us up! Palaces would be a no brainer with her on the team.”

Would it really be that easy? They would let you into the Phantom Thieves just like that? It's an interesting prospect, but your flimsy ruse would be exposed once you left the Metaverse. For starters, your clothes don't change once you go back to the real world. Sure, you've got a long overcoat that mostly covers up the rather outlandish Conjurer outfit, but still. It just wouldn't work.

Well, if you're being honest, the truth is far more unbelievable than their assumptions of you.

“Hold on,” Mona says. “Remember what Madarame said? There's another Metaverse user besides us.”

“That's true.” Fox looks thoughtful rather than suspicious, and you're confused as to why that is until he elaborates. “But she doesn't have a black mask. Madarame specifically stated that it was someone in a black mask.”

So Akechi is still going through Palaces…

“In any case, it's dangerous to remain here. We should leave while we still can,” Queen suggests and everyone else nods in agreement.

* * *

You and the Phantom Thieves gather near the access way in Shibuya after exiting the Palace. Despite your relative seclusion, you can't help but feel exposed in such an open area.

“Your clothes didn't change,” Morgana says, looking suspicious. “What kind of Persona do you have that lets you retain your appearance even outside the Metaverse?”

“It's special,” you say tiredly. You're not really in the mood to deal with Morgana right now.

“How?” He's not backing down and you feel a headache building just above your eyebrow.

“I can't tell you,” you reply. Morgana really doesn't like that answer. He visibly bristles and opens his mouth before you cut him off. “Do you want my help or not?”

“Are you sure about this?” Ren asks and you pretend you don't feel your traitorous heart jump in your chest. He doesn't seem to be wary of you, unlike Morgana. You wonder why.

“I wouldn't be offering my services if I wasn't.” Your headache is starting to cross into migraine territory and you know you need to wrap this up. “I apologize for not introducing myself earlier. My name is (First Name) (Last Name).” Your headache gives a particularly nasty throb and you wince. “Ren already has my contact information, so if you need it, ask him. Please excuse me. I am not feeling very well today.”

You turn on your heel and walk away briskly, ignoring the Phantom Thieves' call for you to come back.

_Running away again? You coward._

You stagger through the Underground Walkway, intent on heading upstairs to the square. You've taken several steps up the stairs when you feel a wave of vertigo. You stagger backwards, and you attempt to hold onto the railing only for your fingers to close around nothing but air. You're falling now, a soft cry escaping your lips. You squeeze your eyes shut, bracing for impact.

Only, instead of pain, you feel an arm close around your back just before hitting the floor. There's a familiar scent in the air, a sweet-smelling cologne that reminds you of something earthy.

“Are you all right?”

Slowly, you open your eyes to the shocked, yet concerned gaze of Akechi Goro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild Akechi Goro appears!


	4. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is undoubtedly an Akechi Goro chapter. I'm not sorry.

Akechi's eyes are wide as they gaze into your own. His face is oddly flushed, though it may have been due to the fact that he probably sprinted to catch you before you hit the ground. For a moment, neither of you move. His face is inches away from yours and for a moment, it's as if he means to close the distance between your lips.

Of course, that's when your head gives a particularly nasty throb and you wince, rubbing your temples. You draw away from him as you regain your footing.

“That was quite a fall you had. Are you all right, miss?”

You freeze.

Does Akechi…not recognize you? Why now, after all this time?

Shouldn't you be happy? You won't have to spend this world being hounded by him. You won't have to endure the slew of missed phone calls and unread text messages. Why aren't you happy? Why do you feel a sense of loss?

You miss the easy friendship you had with him before things went downhill. But Akechi had always wanted more than just your friendship. You know this.

You're…all alone now. The one person in this universe who had an understanding of what was happening is gone. You think that's the reason you're upset.

You need a quiet place to think.

“Thank you for helping me,” you mutter, burying your real feelings and pushing them to the furthest corner of your mind. “I'm sorry for the trouble. Please excuse me.”

You haven't even taken a step up the stairs when a hand closes around your left wrist. Startled, you turn back to see him staring at you, an almost rapturous expression on his face. “Wait. At least let me get you some water or something. Please?”

The voices inside you scream at you to run, to leave now before you inevitably screwed things up again, but you're tired of running. You've already run away from Kasumi, who sends you good morning texts and pictures of whatever food she was eating at the time. You ran away from the Phantom Thieves, even though you know they mean well.

“All right,” you say dully and Akechi's eyes sparkle as his face breaks out into a genuine smile.

You really are a fool.

* * *

_Beautiful_ , Goro thinks as she traces the rim of an empty glass of water. She sits somewhat stiffly across from him, her expression betraying nothing but an outwardly calm countenance. He's glad he picked the diner to invite her to. Quiet, secluded, less of a chance he'd be spotted by any of his fans.

He's seen pretty women before. Hell, he's seen more beautiful women than her, but no one has ever struck a chord within him quite like this. But even those prettier women could never claim to have eyes like hers. Such breathtakingly exquisite jewels they are, with long eyelashes framed by a face he could only describe as ageless. In fact, the longer he stares at her, the more unsure he is of just how old she is. While youthful, her eyes seem far too old for her. As if she'd seen hell and wasn't sure if every part of her had made it back.

There's something within him that _aches_ for her, a familiarity that tugs at his heart even though he knows he's never met this woman in his life. He definitely would have remembered someone like her.

“You are…Akechi Goro?” she asks, and her voice is soft, melodic in such a way he could spend ages writing entire novels about. Her Japanese is fluent, impeccable even, but he detects a slight accent that he can't help but find charming. He's pleased that she knows who he is. After all, he's spent a good portion of his life meticulously crafting this perfect image of himself.

_What would she say if she saw the real me? She'd be disgusted by my depravity._

“That's right,” he says instead, smiling. The same one he uses for the cameras. The one that makes legions of fangirls swoon over him. “You know my name, so it would be common courtesy to give me yours, wouldn't you say?”

She blinks, looking a bit perplexed, but not flustered. The flushing of her cheeks, the sudden ducking of her head, and the fluttering eyelashes he's come to expect from his smile alone doesn't make an appearance. And that makes her all the more interesting. She's either really difficult to catch off guard or she has the world's best poker face.

“I am (First Name) (Last Name).”

Her name sounds achingly familiar, and as he repeats it back to her to make sure he pronounces it correctly, it feels as if he's said her name many times before.

He sees her calm demeanor crack for the briefest moment, and she looks so _sad._ Her eyes lower to her hands folded in front of her. He wants to take them in his own and press a kiss to her knuckles, to provide the sort of comfort she needs.

_What is wrong with me? I've only just met her and I'm already making myself weak for her. The mission must come before everything else. Even her._

Something in him violently rebels against that thought and it's so unlike him that he has to ask.

“Have we…met before?”

The crack widens. “Perhaps,” is all she says. She locks eyes with him and for one horrifying second, it's as if she _knows._ But that's impossible. The only ones who know of his crimes are Shido and his inner circle, and they'd sooner lose their limbs than rat him out.

“How interesting. I must admit, that only makes me more curious about you.” He hopes he's not coming across as too forward. She's the second person to intrigue him so, after Ren. So he asks her about herself, making casual conversation while actually trying to gather information about her.

She's initially reluctant, but he's been able to weasel answers out of the most hardened criminals before. She tells him that she's an instructor, but when he presses further, she doesn't elaborate. She doesn't appear to be lying to him. When he asks about her hobbies, he finally sees a glimpse of her shy side. She looks embarrassed as she mumbles that she sometimes likes to sing whenever she feels lonely. It soothes her nerves, she says.

The more he talks with her, the less guarded she becomes, and when he cracks a joke at his expense, her smile takes his breath away. He doesn't understand the yearning he has for her, but he does know that he wants nothing more than to lock her away, where no one would be able to gaze upon her but him.

At some point, her phone beeps in the middle of her sentence and she jumps. “Excuse me,” she says and glances at her phone. Whatever she sees makes her eyes grow unreadable and her walls are back up once more. She stands up from her seat, retrieving her satchel.

“It was nice meeting you, Akechi Goro,” she says, and the way she says his name does funny things to his heart. “But I really must be going. Farewell.”

She's...leaving? Just like that? If Goro lets her leave without her number, he knows he'll regret it for the rest of his life.

“Wait, please. I would like to continue our conversations, if that's agreeable with you. At the risk of sounding forward, may I have your contact information?”

For a moment, he thinks she's going to refuse. Her eyes grow wide and she flounders for a few seconds before she composes herself. Some intense battle wages behind her eyes before she finally pulls out her phone. Looking closely at it, Goro notes that it's the same exact model as his, albeit a different color. It's something he would have picked out for her.

After they exchange phone numbers, she takes her leave. Goro leaves the diner feeling positively _buoyant._ Perhaps, after he disposes of Shido, they'll have a life together, away from this whole mess. He'd be more than willing to leave Japan entirely, even.

A small part of him warns him not to be too hasty, but his heart can't help feeling as if it were destiny that they met. That it was fate.

Her lovely face follows him into his dreams that night, and every night after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Akechi knew what the reader was thinking, he wouldn't be so damned cheerful. 
> 
> To all the readers who were looking for a Ren chapter, don't worry. He'll get his turn.


	5. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ren is a lot harder to write than Akechi. I hope you all enjoy nonetheless.

In many aspects, Ren considers himself lucky. Sure, he might have gotten in heaps of trouble simply for trying to do the right thing, but if he had the chance to redo it, he'd save that woman all over again. Maybe it's his sense of justice, or maybe he just didn't want to see that woman get put into a bad situation.

He's made a couple friends, ones he knows would take a bullet for him. Ryuji, Ann, Yusuke, Morgana, and now Makoto. He's still unsure of where he stands with Kasumi, but she seems to at least like him.

The same can't be said of (First Name), unfortunately.

He tries, he really does, but the only word Ren can use to describe her is…skittish. He tries to ignore the sting of jealousy when Kasumi of all people manages to coax a smile out of her. Kasumi is right, though. (First Name) looks quite striking when she smiles. It transforms her from being merely pretty to a face that would turn heads. He doubts that she's even aware of it.

He'd also never admit this to anyone, but she's exactly his type.

But it's that necklace that really interests him. He has one just like it in his pocket. He doesn't know why, but he feels the need to take it with him wherever he goes. It's nothing particularly special to look at. It's merely an amber-colored gem with a small star in its center, but it hums with a strange energy from time to time. He's noticed it's most active when she's around. Why does it respond to her? And why does he feel his heart ache for her?

He begins to hear rumors during his Palace runs, particularly during Kaneshiro's Palace. The Shadows whisper of a terrifying beast who sings a lonely song while leaving nothing but complete destruction in its wake. He has a sneaking suspicion on who it might be and sure enough, the next time the Phantom Thieves make another excursion into Kaneshiro's Palace, they find none other than (First Name).

The power she demonstrates in cutting down the hordes of Shadows is certainly awe-inspiring but attaching a Persona to her seems wrong, somehow. And if she were to have one, Susano-o doesn't seem like something he'd associate with her. Maybe something more elegant and refined…or something ancient and mysterious.

Ann is the one who gives her the code name Diamond, after her weapon of choice. Ren wonders why she doesn't contest it. Diamond is one of, if not the hardest substance on earth, but it's also surprisingly brittle.

It isn't until much later that he realizes that her code name is much more appropriate than he thought.

The next time they visit Kaneshiro's Palace, he gets a better understanding of her powers. She's built to be self-sufficient, which is at odds with their team-based strategies. She's good at single combat, but where she truly shines is in horde encounters.

In the bowels of Kaneshiro's Palace, the Shadows are more powerful than those at the top floor. Despite only having been part of the Phantom Thieves for a short time, she adapts quickly.

Perhaps _too_ quickly. She seems to know everyone's battle style and quirks, even Ryuji's tendency to charge headlong into battles. The first time he does it, her arm shoots out and yanks him backward before he can give away their location. Ann thinks it's hilarious and she nearly blows their cover trying to contain her peals of laughter, and (First Name)'s answering wry grin makes him feel weak to his knees.

They're currently hiding behind a wall near a patrolling Shadow, with the other Phantom Thieves hiding in another corridor, waiting for Ren's signal to ambush. (First Name) is crouched right under him and as Ren tries to get a better look, he gets a whiff of something that smells positively _divine._ He can't find the words to describe it.

He looks down and realizes the scent is coming from her. What kind of shampoo does she use and where can he find some so he can use it, too? He feels like such a creep, but he can't help but lower himself until he's right up against her back. She doesn't seem to notice until he gently places a hand on her shoulder. She tenses briefly before relaxing again, but she doesn't turn around. She's too busy keeping a close eye on the Shadow.

Ren blinks and he's no longer in the depths of the Palace. He's in his room at Leblanc with (First Name) right in front of him. Her eyes don't have that haunted look, and as he takes her hands in his, he leans in and presses his lips against hers.

_What…?_

He comes back to himself and finds the top of her head just under his chin. There is no doubt she can feel his body heat since he's so close to her. His hand is still on her shoulder, but now he lets it trail the length of her arm. To his surprise, she shivers. And not in a bad way, either.

Ren feels different when donning the mask of Joker. He gains a confidence he doesn't normally feel in the real world. While that may come across as arrogant or being a bit of a show-off according to Ann, Ren takes comfort being behind the mask. He can't show this side of himself to the world, after all.

It doesn't explain why he finally closes the distance between their bodies, however. He lowers his head until his breath tickles the nape of her neck. She's definitely shivering now and he hears her take a deep breath in an attempt to steady her breathing. He briefly wonders if she's frightened of him as he brushes his lips on the bit of exposed skin he finds, but no. She actually _leans_ into him, her fingers clamping onto where he's holding onto her arm.

Feeling encouraged at her response, Ren thinks he might be pushing his luck when he wraps his arm around her waist and presses a kiss to the side of her neck. She swallows hard and Ren can't help grinning. So she's definitely attracted to him. It's a welcome surprise after enduring weeks of her turning down his invitations to hang out.

“The Shadow's close enough to ambush. Let's get him,” Panther whispers from somewhere up ahead.

And just like that, the spell is broken. Ren moves away and (First Name) lets out a deep breath he didn't even know she was holding.

“All right. Let's do it,” Ren affirms and the Phantom Thieves leap into the fray.

* * *

“Can we talk?” Ren asks the day after stealing Kaneshiro's treasure. She had finally agreed to meet up near the bathhouse in Yongen-jaya. Morgana had gone out, to investigate Mementos, he said. Ren's not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

(First Name) doesn't react other than a slight pursing of her lips, but she relents. “I suppose. Where to?”

“Where we won't be overheard.” Ren beckons for her to follow him and he's relieved to see her walking closely behind him. When they arrive at the cafe, however, she hesitates.

“…Something wrong?” he asks. It _is_ a bit late at night, Sojiro having gone home for the day. He's lucky he has the keys to this place.

There's a faraway look in her eyes as she stares at him, but then she gives her head a little shake. “No. It's fine. Lead the way.”

Ren leads her upstairs, noting that he can barely hear her footsteps trailing behind him. It's quite dark in here, but he makes no move to turn on the light. He'd rather not have anyone know he's meeting her here. In the darkness, he swears he can see her eyes giving off a faint glow, but it could just be the moonlight streaming through his window.

“What is it you wanted to discuss?” An opening.

“The other day…at the Palace…” he begins, and he sees her eyes narrow slightly.

“What about it?”

Ren takes a deep breath. It's now or never. “I'm sorry for…doing that to you.”

“You're talking about how you breathed down my neck and kissed me. Yes, I remember that quite vividly, thank you very much. I very nearly felt my heart stop.”

“But I don't regret it,” he finishes, and it's gone so quiet that he could probably hear a pin drop.

“…What?” Her tone isn't encouraging, but Ren continues on.

“I…I'm attracted to you. I know you feel the same for me. And there's no use lying to me. I know what I saw that day.” He takes carefully measured steps toward her, but she doesn't back away like he was expecting.

She's quiet for some time before she sighs and crosses her arms. “I won't deny it.”

Ren feels a grin spread across his face. “Well, that just makes things real simple, doesn't it?” He lifts her chin with one finger and makes sure she doesn't look away from him.

“I don't follow…” she starts to say, but he cuts her off with another finger.

“I like you, you like me. I don't see the point in wasting any more time.”

She opens her mouth, but anything she wanted to say is lost as Ren closes the distance between them and presses their lips together. She seems a bit surprised, but she seems to recover quickly as her hands clutch the fabric of his shirt.

Her body is warm under his hands, and his head becomes hazy with lust when she presses back, her fingers flying into his hair and tugging slightly. He opens his mouth and hers in the process, moaning when he twines their tongues in a fiery dance.

Gasping, he makes to lower her onto his bed, but at that moment, his phone rings.

(First Name) freezes for a second before stumbling backwards, her eyes wide. Ren curses under his breath and checks to see who the hell dared to interrupt him.

It's Kasumi. He doesn't know what she would want with him at this hour, but even as his phone stops ringing, he knows the mood is effectively ruined.

He doesn't want to stop what they've started. He really doesn't. But she's staring at her hands like she doesn't understand what just happened. Her muscles are locked tight, as if restraining herself.

“I…” She swallows hard and meets his gaze head on. Her pupils are blown wide, a clear sign of arousal. “I nearly lost myself…” She winces and presses a hand to her head, letting out a small grunt. “Forgive me. I… We shouldn't be doing this. I'm sorry.”

Ren reaches out for her but her body glows for a brief moment before warping away and he feels his legs give out in shock.

(First Name)…can use skills? _Outside the Metaverse?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll get her next time, Ren. Probably. Hopefully. Maybe?


	6. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(6)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends. I come bearing a new chapter for your reading pleasure.

“Auto-Aspir, Comeback Kid, Obliterate, no…” you mutter to yourself, mentally cycling through the many, _many_ abilities you have in your repertoire. You remember this being a lot easier when you had Tiz and the others offer some suggestions as to what worked best with their own skill sets.

You still need to find some way of replenishing your stock of Ethers without resorting to trying the strange concoctions this universe passes as medicine. You dubiously inspect the vending machine in front of you, ignoring the stares you receive from passersby.

After that disastrous meeting in Ren's room, you know you can't pass off Susano-o as a Persona anymore. You just wish you hadn't panicked the way you did and just warped out.

_Better now than finding out at a bad time, I guess…_

“(Last Name)-san!”

You most certainly do _not_ shriek and jump about a foot in the air at the sound of your name being called. At least you didn't have anything in your hands at the time. You would have surely dropped it.

“Goodness gracious, Akechi!” you say, gently chiding him with a hand on your heaving chest. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you like that,” Akechi replies, completely unrepentant, if his grin is anything to go by. “Please accept my sincerest apologies.”

He sounds an awful lot like Ringabel right now, but you forcefully take that memory and shove it to the furthest corner of your mind. Nostalgia would do you no good here.

“It's okay,” you say airily. “Anyway, did you need something?”

Akechi's eyes dance with mirth but his tone remains pleasant and cordial. “I was about to send a message asking you to meet with me. There's a place in Kichijoji that I would like to take you to. Would you mind accompanying me there?”

Kichijoji? That doesn't sound familiar. You don't think you've ever been there yet. When you say as much, Akechi seems to light up with an enthusiasm you don't think you've seen from him since the first time you became his friend.

“I think you'd like it. What do you say? Will you come with me?”

For a moment, you hesitate. While you really don't want to give Akechi any weird ideas, you could make a fresh start with him. None of the lies, or subterfuge. While the fact that he shot you in the back a long time ago still stings, this version of Akechi never committed such a crime. You can't punish him for that. And who knows? Maybe this Akechi won't develop romantic feelings for you and you could just remain friends.

It wouldn't hurt to try, at least.

“All right. Lead the way, Akechi.”

* * *

Akechi takes you to a narrow street with various shops. You've been here once before, when you ran into Kasumi and Ren. But you've never been to this particular shop before. It's nondescript and tucked away, with a simple placard that reads 'Jazz Jin' in red lettering.

“Here we are,” he says, smiling. There's a sort of nervous energy about him, one that you can't quite place.

“What kind of place is this?” you ask.

“It's a jazz club.”

You frown. “Jazz…club? What is a jazz club?”

“You've never been to one?” When you shake your head, Akechi brightens. “Well, all the more reason to try it, then.” He leads you down the small flight of stairs to a spacious area filled with round tables and chairs. The atmosphere is different to the diner in Shibuya. It feels serene rather than quiet, especially with a performer softly singing a tune in a small corner of the club. You gaze at her wistfully, remembering your stint as a Performer yourself. You weren't a fantastic Performer by any means, but at least you weren't as tasteless as the original wielder, Praline. Fighting her had been…annoying.

“What kind of drink would you like?” Akechi's voice brings you out of your musings and you blink.

“Er…I'm not sure what sort of drinks are sold in this type of establishment.” You feel a bit embarrassed and out of your element. It's an unpleasant combination of shame and inadequacy that comes from being a foreign presence in this world.

“I'm a regular here, so I'll choose for the both of us. Is that acceptable?” When you nod, he flags down a passing waiter and orders two drinks. It doesn't take long for the waiter to complete the order and place the drinks at your table. You're a bit startled at the vivid hue of purple.

You take a tentative sip and you're a bit taken aback at the surprisingly complex flavor. It's sweet, but there's a slight bitterness in the aftertaste. It's oddly refreshing and you decide you like it.

“I've never had a drink like this,” you muse. “Back home, we just had mulled wine and beer was for special occasions.” You remember Ringabel stumbling back to the inn in a drunken stupor, all his money gone. Edea had given him quite an earful the following morning, but you don't think he even heard any of it as he had been too busy throwing up the contents of his stomach in the washroom.

You sigh, lost in memories. “You know, I really miss home sometimes…”

“Do you ever want to go back?”

“Of course.” You trace the rim of your glass with your finger, humming pensively. “I left behind a lot of things. Places, friends, memories. There were good ones, sad ones, and some that were quite painful. But I cannot return. Not yet. I made a promise. And until I finish what I started, I will not go back.”

Akechi leans forward, his chin resting on top of his hand. “If it's not too much trouble, do you mind telling me where you're from?”

You sigh softly through your nose. “Not from Japan, obviously. It is far from here. Perhaps one day, I will tell you.”

Akechi doesn't seem satisfied with your response, but he doesn't press the issue. “What about your parents?”

You purse your lips, feeling the involuntary flare of hatred at the memory of Ouroboros. “Dead. And good riddance.” You lift your gaze to see Akechi's eyes wide with shock. “Oh, you don't have to worry. My father and I, there was never any sort of love between us. The world is better off without him around, trust me.”

“I…see.” Akechi seems to have recovered and his eyes gain a sort of feverish light that makes you a bit uncomfortable. This is getting into dangerous territory and you're determined to put a stop to it before it starts again.

“In any case, thank you for inviting me here. I like it a lot. It is…soothing.” You're not trying to flatter him. It really does keep the voices at bay, and you feel much more at ease here than you did at Inokashira Park. Perhaps you could invite some of the Phantom Thieves here?

“It was my pleasure. I wouldn't mind doing this again sometime.” Akechi's cheeks are slightly flushed, his eyes sparkling in a way that's all too familiar. You ignore the creeping sense of dread as you both gather up your things and leave the club.

“(Last Name)-san?” Akechi says as you begin to climb the small flight of stairs that lead back to the streets of Kichijoji. You turn and try not to flinch as you clearly see the longing in the way he gazes at you.

“Can you…call me Goro from now on? When it's just the two of us?”

_Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no…_

Your mouth drops open. “Akechi…I—this is really sudden. Are you absolutely certain you want me to do this?” _Please say no, please please_ please _say no…_

“Yes. I can't quite explain it, but…I feel like I can trust you.”

You swallow hard. You don't want to encourage this. But it's not like you can control Akechi's heart. With luck, this will wither on the vine before it can truly blossom. If you can keep Ren at bay, you can keep Akechi at arm's length as well.

You sigh. “Very well. I will call you Goro.” You hope this doesn't come back to bite you later.

“I hope I'm not presumptuous in thinking that privilege is extended to me as well?” Akechi looks at you with so much hope in his eyes despite his attempt to keep his tone nonchalant that you inwardly curse your luck.

“You can call me by my first name if you wish.” _Please don't._

Akechi's smile is as bright as the sun. “Thank you very much, (First Name).”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akechi totally didn't think they went on a date, of course not.
> 
> Probably.
> 
> Maybe.
> 
> Definitely.


	7. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(7)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early new chapter for you all. Please forgive any errors you may see. My internet wasn't doing so great at the time of posting, so I'll fix any mistakes later.

In the weeks that follow, you try to keep Ren and Akechi at a distance. You are friendly to both, but polite. You tell them small tidbits about yourself, but nothing substantial, like your friends back in Luxendarc.

It's easy to see that Akechi wants more from you, but he's subtle enough in his attempts to court you that you can simply pass it off as not noticing his advances. Instead of being deterred like you'd hoped, he only seems more determined to win your affections.

Ren, on the other hand, is a lot more straightforward. He's openly flirty in such a way that even Ryuji notices, and the two constantly brainstorm ways to get you and Ren alone together. Unfortunately for them, Ryuji is about as subtle as a brick to the face, so you often learn of their plans well in advance.

Speaking of Ren, he's since asked you how you managed to warp out of his room outside the Metaverse. Telling him the truth was the easiest course of action, that being that most of those powers come from the asterisks you carry. You're honestly curious to see if they can activate if worn by any of the Phantom Thieves, but it's not something you're keen on trying any time soon.

While you're walking through Kichijoji on your own, you spot Ren and Akechi sitting in an unfamiliar cafe. It's so bizarre that you stop in your tracks. In all your repeated runs, you've never seen them in a setting like this one. Talking amicably, smiling…almost like, like…

Friends.

Maybe this is what you've been missing. It's what you wanted, isn't it? For them to be friends? Maybe, for this to come to pass, all you needed to do was make yourself as unavailable as possible, in order for them to not get too attached to you.

Perhaps it's for the best.

Your phone suddenly rings, startling you out of your thoughts. You frown slightly at the caller ID. It's Kasumi. How strange. She normally just sends you text messages. You bring the phone up to your ear. “Hello?”

“ _(_ _Last Name_ _)-san! I'm so glad I caught you! I'm sorry I've been so busy these past few months. But I'm free for a bit, so I was thinking we could go somewhere together?”_

You don't think you'll ever get used to people calling you by your last name. “I…don't mind. What do you suggest?”

“ _Perfect! There's this new movie that just came out and I'm dying to go see it! I think it's something you might like, too! What do you think?”_

You blink. “What, right now?”

Kasumi giggles on the other end of the line. _“Of course! There's a showing in about thirty minutes, so that gives us enough time to get to the theater and get some snacks.”_

By this point, you notice both Ren and Akechi staring at you from the corner of your eye. Kasumi's saying something about which theater you'll be going to, so you're half-distracted as you give them both a small wave.

“The…theater in Shibuya?” you mutter. “Oh, the one on Central Street, I see.” You're so engrossed in your conversation that you fail to notice both of them simultaneously get up from their seats. “All right, I'm on my way.”

“ _See you soon!”_ There's the sound of a slight click as she ends the call.

You don't think you've ever watched a movie before. Perhaps this might even be a welcome respite from everything you've been doing up until this point. Still, you wish Kasumi wasn't so…pushy. You appreciate what she's trying to do for you, but maybe she's trying a bit _too_ hard. Does she want something from you?

There's no use in dwelling on it now. You'll have to leave right away if you want to make it on time, so you set off, unaware of the pair of figures following you.

* * *

“(Last Name)-san! Over here!” Kasumi waves enthusiastically from the entrance to the theater.

“Sorry for making you wait,” you say faintly. You're still a bit nauseated from riding the train. You hope you can eat enough snacks to spare Kasumi's feelings.

“Oh, senpai! Akechi-kun! I didn't know you were coming!” Kasumi says, looking at a point over your shoulder.

What.

Did they seriously follow you here?

_This can't be happening,_ you think. Ren and Akechi are indeed right behind you, looking a bit out of breath. Ren appears to be gritting his teeth and Akechi's smile looks almost painful.

“(Last Name)-san and I were just about to watch a movie together,” Kasumi chirps, oblivious to the rising tension.

“What a coincidence,” Akechi replies, his voice dripping honey. “We were about to do the same. Right, Amamiya-kun?” He aims a subtle kick to Ren's shin when he doesn't answer fast enough for his liking.

“Y-Yeah. Right.”

“Perfect!” Kasumi says brightly, clapping her hands together. “It'll be so much more fun if we're in a group like this!”

_Oh gods. Crystals. Just_ _take_ _me now…!_

As you follow Kasumi into the theater with the air of a person heading for the gallows, you wonder if you could have avoided a situation like this by simply declining her invitation. But imagining her disappointed face is more than enough to make you feel guilty.

You're not sure what you expected when you take your seat twenty minutes later. You end up in the worst possible seat, sitting in between Ren and Akechi, with Kasumi on Ren's other side. You wish you had sat next to Kasumi instead and used her as a buffer for whatever feud is going on between the detective and leader of the Phantom Thieves.

During certain parts of the movie, you pick up on certain things from the two boys sitting on either side of you. Ren offers you some of his drink during a quiet part of the film and when you take a sip, Akechi visibly bristles on your other side. In retaliation, he hooks his foot around your ankle so that you sit just slightly closer to him.

Despite how uncomfortable you are, you find yourself enjoying the movie immensely, even if you don't really understand certain aspects of it, such as the main protagonists using strange machines powered by fire that's somehow alive to fight against those in power. Most of the songs are in English and easy to pick up. Perhaps you could incorporate some of these songs if you ever decide to use the Performer asterisk again.

The movie finally ends and you stand up, feeling as mentally exhausted as you normally are after using up too much of your magic all at once. You just want to lie down in bed and not think about how much you probably messed things up just by existing.

“That was a great film!” Kasumi says, smiling. “I'm so glad I was able to watch it with friends. Did you have fun, (Last Name)-san?”

Well…you _would_ have if it hadn't been for the two morons sniping at each other the entire time. “I've never watched a movie before. It was…interesting,” you say instead. “But I did like it. Thank you for inviting me, Yoshizawa.”

“No problem! We should do this again soon.” She turns to the two boys standing somewhat stiffly behind you. “Thanks for coming along! I have to get going now, so I'll be seeing you.” She bows slightly before setting off at a brisk pace and you just barely stop yourself from reaching after her.

_No…don't leave me here alone with them…!_

You decide it's best that you don't stick around. You can practically feel the angry sparks flying between them.

“I'd better head back home, too,” you say. “All this excitement has worn me out…” _Heavens knows_ _I'm not looking forward to taking the train…_

“Not fond of the rail system?” Akechi inquires and oops, you said that out loud. You really need to watch your mouth.

“Not particularly,” you mutter sullenly. “I'm fine with air travel, but trains and boats make me nauseous.” You sigh, feeling a headache starting to build behind your left eyebrow. “I'll be okay. I'll rest when I get home.”

“Where do you live?” Akechi asks, and if you hadn't been so tired, you would have balked at just how brazen he's acting right now.

“In Yongen-Jaya,” you reply and from the corner of your eye you see Ren visibly perk up.

“I live around there,” he says. “I could take you home if you want.”

“My apartment is closer,” Akechi says with faux sweetness, and you feel a creeping sense of dread in your stomach. “You won't even have to take the train.”

“Inviting a girl you barely know to your apartment, Akechi?” Ren asks with a raised eyebrow. “That's pretty forward of you.”

“Nonsense,” Akechi says with a bright grin. “She and I are well-acquainted. Isn't that right, (First Name)?”

Damn him for using your given name like that. If you reject him now, you'll lose all the rapport you've built up with him thus far. You've already said you didn't want to take the train, so it would be stupid to tell him that you're going with Ren anyway, even though you want to. You really don't like that look Akechi's giving you right now…

But at the same time, you don't want to give Ren the wrong idea about you two. You and Akechi are just friends. Nothing more.

“I suppose so,” you say, and inwardly wince when you see Ren's face fall. “Akechi is my friend.” You offer Ren a small smile, hoping to mitigate whatever damage you've done. “And…you are my friend, too.”

Ren seems to be somewhat mollified by this, but you can tell he's still disappointed.

“I'll rest for an hour or so and then I'll head back home.” You try to reassure him, but Ren's expression doesn't change. You decide to take a gamble. “Don't worry about me, Ren. I'll be just fine.”

The use of his given name doesn't register at first. When it finally hits him, his eyes grow wide and there's a not-quite there smile on his face. His cheeks turn a lovely shade of pink and he adjusts his glasses in a nervous gesture. “All right, then. Send me a message when you get home, okay, (First Name)?”

“I will.” You give him a little wave and turn away from him. You try not to tense up as Akechi's arm encircles yours as he leads you away.

Unbeknownst to you, Akechi gives Ren one last parting triumphant smile.

Ren answers it with a glare of his own, his eyes burning with an unspoken challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akechi and Ren are so petty, aren't they?


	8. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to put a warning for this chapter because of Akechi's general creepiness. Like...seriously. Tread carefully, readers.

Goro feels something in his chest stir once they arrive at his apartment. It feels like a memory, struggling just beneath the surface but refusing to be seen. Why does this feel so familiar? Why does he feel so comfortable around her?

There's a miniscule part of him that rebels at the thought of being so vulnerable around a strange woman, but his heart can't help how he feels. He's so deeply in love, and he's so _happy_ that she chose _him_ and not _Ren._

She looks dead on her feet as she collapses onto his sofa, setting down her bag on the floor. His concern outweighs his happiness as he sees a furrow between her brows. As she leans back onto the sofa, her hand rubs at a spot just above her left eyebrow, the very same spot where he himself gets headaches.

“(First Name)?” Oh, how he loves having the privilege of saying her given name.

Her eyes flick over to where he's standing. “Hm?”

“Do you suffer from chronic migraines?” He's seen her do this often during the many times they've spent together. He's almost ashamed he hasn't brought it up before now.

“Oh…I suppose so. It's nothing to worry about. I'll be fine.”

Well, that won't do. “I've got something for that. I get headaches myself when I stay up too late working on cases. Give me a moment.” Goro strides over to his bedroom and to the adjoining bathroom, rummaging through his medicine cabinet. He finds a simple bottle of over the counter pain pills and he pops out two of them. From there, he goes to his kitchen and fills a glass of water.

However, when he goes back to the living room, he finds her already asleep. From her position, she's bound to get a sore neck and stiff back once she wakes up. Goro wonders how long it's been since she's had a proper rest. And yet there are no bags or shadows under her eyes. How odd.

“(First Name).” Goro gives her shoulder a gentle shake and her eyes flutter open slowly. He swallows hard at just how easily she can figuratively bring him to his knees from such a simple action.

“I didn't do it,” she mutters, her words slurring slightly. Goro frowns. He knows she's foreign to Japan, but now he has a better picture of where she comes from. She had spoken English, her accent not quite that of the United Kingdom, but also not the United States. Not Ireland, or Australia, either. Maybe she's lived in a quite a few different places, but even that doesn't seem right.

She blinks blearily at him as she sits up before she sees the pills in his hand. “What's that?” She's still speaking English. She must really be tired if she hasn't noticed yet.

“Medicine. It'll help you feel better.” Goro gives her the pills, but she merely stares at them in confusion. She frowns at them, then looks up at him blankly.

Has she…never taken pills before?

“Here. Open your mouth.” He kneels down to her eye level and takes one of the small capsules, carefully popping it into her mouth. “No, don't swallow yet. You might choke.” He gives her the glass of water. “Now, drink.” She does so, but not before making a slight face. He laughs softly, taking the second capsule and repeating the process. “Once more.”

“This is supposed to help with my headache?” she asks once she's swallowed the second pill. When Goro nods, she places a hand to her chin, an almost carbon copy of what he himself does when lost in thought. “How curious…”

Goro sits down next to her, closer than he would have with anyone else and in the next minute, the crease on her forehead disappears and she settles back onto the cushions with a relieved sigh. Her eyes grow lidded for only a few seconds and before Goro knows it, she's already fast asleep.

He doesn't want to disturb her seeing as how she very desperately needed the rest, but at the same time, she will be incredibly sore if she stays like that. He hopes she doesn't react too badly to being picked up.

Goro lifts her up bridal style with surprising ease and she mumbles incoherently, but she doesn't wake from her slumber. He shifts his grip until her head is cradled against his shoulder and he walks the short distance to his bedroom. As he gently places her on his bed, he has to bite his lip at the sound of her soft sigh as she settles onto the duvet.

He gently removes her shoes and long overcoat, blinking in surprise at the elaborate dress she wears underneath. It's unlike anything he's ever seen before. If he's brutally honest, it's something he would likely see cosplayers wearing at a convention. But the material is different than an ordinary costume. The fabric is made of extremely sturdy material, and clearly built for travel. He has to admit that her outfit flatters her good looks and yet…something about it doesn't seem right.

Doesn't she normally wear a sand-colored overcoat?

Goro shakes his head. How absurd.

He decides to make the most of his time catching up on schoolwork. He keeps his bedroom door open a crack in case she needs something and heads for the living room. From there, he buries himself in his work until the sun begins to set, bathing the room in a warm orange glow. He glances at his phone, finding it to be just before seven pm. He has half a mind to wake her and he's just getting up from his seat when he hears an odd noise.

It's the sound of…whimpering. Goro frowns, tiptoeing quietly to his bedroom door. There's no mistaking it; it's definitely coming from inside. Was she having a nightmare? He peers through the crack in the door, seeing small movements from the bed. From here, he can see her furrowed brow as she writhes in her sleep, making small noises of distress, her skin gleaming with a light sheen of sweat. He feels a surge of pity and protectiveness for her. He makes to open the door fully when she wrenches herself out of her dreams with a jolt and a gasp. Her eyes are wide and unseeing, tears cascading down her cheeks as her entire body trembles. Slowly, she curls into herself and squeezes her eyes shut, blocking out everything around her and she covers her mouth with her hands, muffling her heavy sobs.

Somehow, Goro knows that without a doubt, something horrible had happened to her. Despite her calm demeanor, she's still being torn apart by something in her past.

She's just like him…

Yet, even as her body shakes with the force of her sobs, he knows she's trying not to be a bother. She muffles her cries so she won't disrupt his work and his heart aches with such _longing._

If he just pushes open the door, he could have her. He could be her _everything._ His future and her's intertwined forever. Eyes lidded and hazed, Goro's hands drift toward his belt, which is steadily growing more uncomfortable by the second. He wants to go in there, yank her into a kiss and _fuck her_ until she can't stand up, hear her sweet voice crying out his name in ecstasy as he takes her to paradise.

He inches closer to the door without a sound and freezes, hesitation making him doubt himself.

He can't do this to her. It's wrong. She would scream and cry and bleed and that stops him cold. It's almost enough to turn him completely flaccid again. Almost.

_I'm going to make her feel good,_ Goro protests feebly, eying the shuddering figure still curled up on his bed.

But his hands calmly unbuckle his belt, face set.

_Leave her alone,_ chides a small voice in his head that reminds him inexplicably of Robin Hood. _Can't you see she's upset?_

_Strike while the iron is hot! I want her now!_ A stronger, more forceful voice joins in. It sounds like Loki.

You can't.

_I want!_

Not yet.

_**Well, wasn't that just too fucking bad?** _

He calmly reaches forward and pushes the door open.


	9. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(9)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might have taken me longer than I expected but the original draft went in a direction I was not happy with, so that got scrapped entirely. I offer you this instead. I hope you like it, dear readers.

The door opens without a sound. Despite this, (First Name) seems to sense Goro's presence because all of a sudden, her quiet sobs stop immediately. She no longer shivers on his bed, instead lying as still as death. Goro wonders if she's even breathing.

She's turned away from him, so she obviously can't see him quietly pad over to the side of the bed. She's still motionless as Goro gently sits down and he begins to feel misgivings about his course of action. What if he gives into the darkness that greedily demands her body? He would be no better than Shido.

Thinking back, she's never noticed any of his hints, nor made any indication that she might reciprocate his feelings. He's in love, but he also has to be pragmatic. It's what kept him alive thus far.

_She calls me Goro,_ a small voice whimpers feebly. _I alone have the privilege of calling her by her given name…_

But that isn't true, not anymore. Just before they left, when Goro called her by her given name, she responded with Akechi. Not Goro. Yet she had no trouble calling Amamiya by his given name in front of him. It seemed familiar to her, the way it rolled off her tongue, as if she'd said it millions of times before.

What kind of monster would he be if he just took whatever he wanted? What of her feelings? He _loves_ her. She needs comfort and a shoulder to cry on, not…whatever he desperately wants from her.

Love truly is a selfish beast.

_I can't do this…_

Goro reaches out and gently places a hand on her shoulder. He's glad he kept his gloves on. It wouldn't do to stain a being of such purity with his bloodstained hands.

She lets out a breath that sounds more like a sigh. (First Name)'s voice is a bit hoarse, but otherwise shockingly steady for someone who's just been crying their heart out.

“Sorry,” she mumbles. “You weren't supposed to see.”

Goro doesn't say a word. He tugs her closer to him until her back is pressed against his chest. She doesn't resist. In fact, she settles more comfortably against him and it makes him feel a brief flutter of hope that his love is requited. He holds her and waits until she's ready to talk about it. If not, he's content with simply being like this. It feels strange to hold another person like this. Strange, yet oddly comforting. It feels like home.

He remembers his mother and the way she used to hold him just like this and hum a melody that he doesn't quite remember anymore. She wasn't perfect, not by a long shot, but she still did her best to raise him in the short time she was alive.

Goro is no singer by any means, but he strives for perfection in anything he does. He begins softly, humming a tune that he remembers hearing a long time ago. For some reason, he feels her tense beneath his arms and after a minute of him humming, she rolls around to face him, her eyes wide with something he can't describe. It almost looks like wonder and…hope?

“Where…where did you hear that song?” she asks breathlessly.

Goro frowns, thinking hard. There's that feeling again, of a memory just beneath the surface that's struggling to break free. “I'm not sure. I think I heard it in a dream? I just know it's been a while. I'm surprised I was even able to remember it.”

Her face falls and for some reason, he can't help but feel he's failed a test of some kind. “Oh…I see. I had hoped…” She closes her eyes and sighs through her nose, her entire demeanor radiating disappointment. “Never mind… I suppose it's for the best.”

Goro can't let it go. “What are you talking about? (First Name), please don't shut me out. I'm trying, I really am, but you keep pushing me away.”

She opens her eyes to look at him and there's real pain there. There's no danger of crying from her anymore, but this is the most emotion Goro has seen her express thus far. She's normally so calm and calculating that seeing her this vulnerable is a rare treat. He wishes this was under better circumstances, but he'll take what he can get.

“That song…is very precious to me. I learned it back home, when I stopped being wary of other people. I was just surprised you somehow know of it. That's all.”

Something about that explanation doesn't seem right. Goro's not sure what it is, but every time he tries to think about it, he feels a sort of haze in his mind. It prevents him from finding that memory that he _knows_ is right there, just lurking out of sight.

“Sing?” he asks instead.

She stares at him for a long moment, searching his gaze for something. Then, just as he thinks she'll refuse his request, she nods and sits up. She seems...tentatively hopeful. Goro sits up with her and gently takes one of her hands in his. She doesn't protest this and Goro positively preens at her acquiescence.

She closes her eyes and starts softly, but gaining confidence with every word spoken. Her voice is sweet with an underlying maturity, yet it captivates him all the same. He could spend hours just listening to her sing.

“ _We thought they would continue on forever,_

_but our everyday lives crumpled and faded away with fragility._

_We finally realized the true meaning behind the happiness,_

_that we grew tired of, and even took lightly.”_

Something stirs at the sound of her voice, of the lyrics she sings. Suddenly, he's not in his room anymore, but at a quiet section in Inokashira Park, listening to her dulcet tones weaving quietly through the spring breeze. Distantly, Goro notes that the birds have fallen silent.

“ _It's not like we weren't fulfilled;_

_We're just trying to regain it once more."_

She pauses in her singing, opting to instead whistle during a break in her song. If Goro were to hear the music behind it, he could almost hear a flute. It makes him feel nostalgic for something he can't quite put a finger on. It's a slow, somewhat sad tune, but it's something deeply personal to her, he knows. He's glad that she's sharing something this intimate to him.

_"Even in things that we thought went smoothly,_

_once we know of someone's sadness, we are powerless._

_We come upon many trials and difficulties, standing idle before them,_

_and finally realized the true meaning behind goals.”_

Is this a dream? He sees her sand-colored coat clearly, swaying gently in the breeze as she pours her heart out into her song. On her left wrist gleams a silver bracelet that shines in the early morning sun. But…it's evening right now, isn't it?

Isn't it…?

“ _It's not like we got used to giving up;_

_We're just trying to make a stand against it, once more.”_

She sighs and opens her eyes once more, looking forlorn. It shatters the illusion, and he's back in his dimly lit apartment. “There's more to the song, but it's always been meant to be sung with a partner. I could never do it justice.” She glances up at his face and frowns. “Goro? Are you all right? You look pale…”

Goro struggles to form words and his mouth opens and closes a few times. By the time his voice works again, he croaks out a feeble, “Did…did you always wear that dress?”

She looks down at her attire. “No? I did wear something different before, but that was a long time ago.”

“Was it a tan overcoat? With black boots?”

She freezes, her eyes widening. “I… That's…”

But Goro isn't going to let this go. He's on the verge of a breakthrough and he'll be damned if he lets this opportunity slip through his fingers. “Don't lie to me, (First Name). Tell me the truth.”

She stares at him for several long moments before her expression clears. “It's nothing so grand. I did wear that before. I'm just surprised you know something like that.”

“But when I first saw you, I asked you if we had met before, and you said…you said…”

“'Perhaps.'” she finishes. “That is what I said back then. I did not lie to you then, Goro. And I am not lying to you now. But why would you ask me about something so mundane as my attire?”

“I…I don't know. I thought…I saw you. Singing that song wearing that coat.” The details are slipping through his fingers like sand. He can't hold on. He's not sure where he saw her singing anymore.

“I see.” She crosses her arms and places a finger to her chin, frowning thoughtfully. “Perhaps we met in a past life, as preposterous as that may sound. But it won't do to mull over what-ifs. It's best you not think about what you saw.”

Goro's eyes narrow suspiciously. “And why is that?”

She slants her gaze his way and there's something in them that makes his flesh break out in goosebumps. It makes her seem ancient, a piercing stare that could see into his soul and everything that's written in it.

“There are some things that are too painful to face. Men have been broken by less.” She blinks and her gaze becomes haunted and forlorn. “Eventually, it will break me as well.”

Goro thinks of the way she thrashed in her sleep, of the deep-rooted pain in her eyes when she woke, and how all the water in the ocean wasn't enough for her tears. He moves closer to her until he sits close enough to touch her face. “Is that why you were crying…?”

She shakes her head. “It was…just a dream. Old memories. Friends I made a long time ago.”

“Do you miss them?” he asks softly.

She draws in a shuddering breath, her eyes shining with tears that she blinks away. “All the time.”

Her reaction is telling. With that amount of sorrow in her voice, it's clear to him that her friends are no longer alive. Goro can understand the pain of losing someone so close to him. He wonders what happened in her home country. A war? Perhaps disease?

It doesn't matter. He came here to provide comfort, and he's interrogating her on something he doesn't understand. It's no wonder why she doesn't reciprocate his advances. He wouldn't want to be with him, either.

But he can't stand the thought of her falling for Amamiya. He already has friends. He doesn't want him to take away the one good thing he has in this cursed life.

_It's her choice, isn't it?_

Goro draws her close, wrapping her up in a close embrace that expresses only a tiny fraction of what he truly feels for her. She recognizes the gesture for what it is, but his heart still sings as she returns the embrace, burying her face in his shoulder. He hasn't been this close to anyone before, barring his late mother. A warmth spreads through him as he holds her, her scent filling his nostrils and he sighs happily. He wants this moment to last forever. No Metaverse. No Personas. No Shido. Just him and the one he loves.

He'll find out what she's keeping secret. Somehow, someway, he will find out why she feels so familiar to him. He needs to know.

Even if the truth does break him in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I don't say this often enough, but I love each and every one of you dear readers. To those that have expressed their interest and support, thank you so much.
> 
> The song the reader was singing was Ballad to Hope. It's the ending song of Bravely Default.


	10. There's a Power Pulling Me Back To You(1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Akira had been more open with the reader from the start? This is the story of how just a little more communication averts a tragedy in the making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context, this is the timeline where Akira has every opportunity to cheat, but he instead chooses not to.

“D-Damn it, I told myself I wouldn't cry,” Ann sobs as she buries her face in her hands. “But it just… won't stop…”

Akira is at a crossroads. He knows she's in love with him. He's seen it in the way she gazes longingly at him when she thinks he isn't looking. The way she makes any excuse to touch him. It's not just her. Nearly every woman can't help but fall for his overflowing charisma and charm. It's not like Akechi, who flaunts it until it nearly blinds everyone with its radiance. Akira can't really outshine him as just himself, but as _Joker…_ that's another story.

Ann is everything (First Name) is not. (First Name) does not touch him unless it's an accident or when Akira goes out of his way to hug her. She's never initiated a kiss, or even treated him any differently than before they became a couple.

...Are they even a couple? They've kissed many times before, but does it even mean anything to her? Is she still thinking of her precious Ren? No matter what he does, he always feels like second best. Even with Akechi out of the race, he still feels like he's competing with a phantom. He feels inadequate. He isn't good enough. Not compared to Ren.

What is he supposed to do?

“I guess… I'm alone again, huh…?” Ann whispers in a tremulous voice.

Would (First Name) even notice? He's stopped asking her for kisses, as much as it pains him to do so. Her kisses are intoxicating. He can't get enough of them, especially when she seemingly loses control and pins him down on his sorry excuse for a bed. But then, as soon as things start getting hot and heavy, she always pulls away with an apology at her lips and leaves him hanging.

Akira knows Ann is an extremely attractive woman. She's able to turn heads by simply walking into a room. Anyone would be lucky to have her. But Akira doesn't love her. Not the way he knows she loves him.

Should he…? Could he really do this to them?

Akira's thoughts are taking a dangerous turn when his phone unexpectedly buzzes in his pocket, startling him. Luckily for him, Ann doesn't notice. But it's enough to snap him out of it. A brief glance at his home screen reveals that the sender is none other than the very same woman occupying his thoughts.

_What am I doing? What was I even_ thinking? _I can't do this. I won't do this to them._

Akira takes a deep breath. Lets it out slowly.

“You have the others,” he says.

Ann pauses for a few seconds, surprised. It's clear that it's not what she wanted to hear, in such an emotionally charged moment. Akira thinks he sees pain in her clear blue eyes for only a second before it's gone, replaced with a growing determination and will.

“That's right…” she murmurs. “I have our team now. There are people suffering out there, just waiting for us to save them…” She straightens her back and wipes away the last of her tears. “That's why I need to do my best. Not just for our team, but for everyone who needs our help.” She smiles, then. “Akira… Let's do this, together.”

Akira nods as he feel the bond strengthen between them. At the same time, he feels a strange weight being lifted off his chest.

“A-Anyway… I should be heading home. I'll be fine by myself,” Ann says. “Oh, and thanks for going out with me today…” Here, her voice cracks the slightest bit and there's real pain in her eyes. This time, Ann can't quite cover it up completely. “U-Um, I didn't mean it like that, of course not…” She tries to cover for her slip by grinning broadly, but it looks more like a grimace. “See you later!”

She runs off, leaving him alone on the school rooftop. After a moment, Akira takes out his phone, unlocking it to see that (First Name) sent him a message merely asking about the next Mementos trip. Swallowing his disappointment, he's about to put his phone away when he's struck by an idea. A very bold idea, insane even. But maybe it could work. He'll create a situation she _can't_ run from, and he'll finally know where they stand in their relationship.

He doesn't want a partnership where he's left wanting so much more, only to realize she doesn't want him in that way. He loves her, and he knows she at least has feelings for him. But he needs to come clean about his true feelings. He needs to really talk things out with her.

Morgana would call him selfish. And yes, Akira knows he is being incredibly selfish, but he's a man first and he has certain…needs.

If…she never wants him, then…

Akira shakes his head. It isn't just that. He feels that he only has a small fraction of her heart, while the rest of it belongs to Ren. He needs to know if she's in love with him, or if she's merely using him as a substitute. He doesn't want to be just a replacement. It's not fair to him.

He types out a response, asking her to come alone, that he needs to talk to her about something important. Her responding message is that of confusion, asking him why the need for secrecy, even from the rest of the team.

**Akira:** _This isn't about the Phantom Thieves. It's about…us._

**(First Name):** _What do you mean?_

Akira bites his lip, fighting down his impatience. He has to calm down. She isn't human, he _knows_ that. Of course she doesn't understand human relationships all that well. But she made it with work with Ren, as far as he knows. And if she can't let Ren go, then he doesn't see a point in continuing this relationship. He'll be content with merely being friends, but he'll definitely need some space if they don't end up working out.

**Akira:** _I don't want anyone around, not even Morgana. This is just between you and me. I just want to…talk._

**(First Name):** _I see. I'm free right now. Do you want to meet up?_

**Akira:** _Yes. I'll see you there._

He puts his phone away and sets off, anticipation thrumming in his veins.

* * *

Akira doesn't speak as he leads her through the depths of Mementos. As always, she is quiet, following his lead without a word. He can feel her curious gaze on him, though she never protests or complains. Without Morgana, the safe area takes much longer to get to, but Akira prefers it this way. He doesn't want an audience.

Some time later, they reach the safe area. It's quiet down here without all the hustle and bustle of the busy Underground Walkway. He goes into the waiting room and motions for her to have a seat. She does so and she waits expectantly.

Akira decides to just get right to the point. “(First Name).”

“Yes?”

“Do you love me?”

She frowns, a furrow appearing between her brows. “Yes. Why do you ask?”

“Because I want to know if I'm just a replacement for Ren.”

Her eyes widen and a plethora of emotions cross her face before it settles on what he thinks is anger. “Is this what this is about? I am many things, Akira, but I am _not_ heartless. I would never do that to you.”

Akira wants to believe her. But her actions suggest to him that she's still in love with Ren, and not him. Is it because he shares his face? “How do I know that? The way you act around me when we're alone together… It feels as if you keep pushing me away whenever I try to start something and I'm tired of not knowing what's bothering you. Do I make you uncomfortable, (First Name)?”

She abruptly stands up, utterly furious, but Akira isn't letting her run away from a confrontation. Not again.

“Unhand me!” she snarls, but Akira keeps a firm hold on her wrist.

“Not until I have your answer,” he retorts.

For a moment, she looks mutinous before she sighs, all the fight leaving her at once. “You're right… I say one thing, but I do something that directly contradicts it. I'm sorry, Akira… If I had known how you felt inside… Sometimes I forget that you're more than just Joker.” She turns away from him, but her voice still rings clear as she continues speaking. “A confession of your honest feelings deserves an equally honest answer. To put it simply… In the beginning, I did feel a sort of attachment to Ren. But he is gone now, and it is only in my memories that he exists. It is for that reason alone that I felt guilty about being with you. But you are not him. You are different than him, even if your appearance is identical.”

She bows her head, her shoulders curling forward. “I was torn by these feelings for a little while. But no longer. What stops me now is…” Here, she hesitates but Akira doesn't attempt to press her for answers. He waits patiently, but when she speaks again, her explanation is not what he expects.

“I thought you'd be frightened by me if you knew how much I need you. How much I obsess over you and want you all to myself. It is…unsightly, I know. I keep having to stop myself because sometimes I feel that my feelings will devour you whole. It's something I can't describe, something that draws me to you. I don't want to lose control, Akira.”

Akira is inexplicably reminded of her other form, the one that lost itself in its rage and brutally ended his life in another world. A form that radiated darkness like fire licking at her skin as she tore apart everything within range. Yes, he is a bit nervous that she might lose control again, but this is a different kind of control.

And he'd be lying if he said he hasn't been more turned on in his life.

“What if…” he begins, and she flinches, clearly afraid of his response. “…What if you don't have to restrain yourself around me?”

She freezes in place. “…What?”

Akira pulls her to him and hugs her from behind, enough so that she can _feel_ him, to feel exactly what her words do to him. “What if I said I don't want you to hold back? I _want_ you to lose control.” He lowers his head until he's speaking directly in her ear, his voice lowering to a mere whisper. “So, what's stopping you?”

She shivers and Akira knows he has her. His lips pull back into a savage grin as she turns around in his arms, her eyes blazing with a heat he's only seen a few times before.

“Nothing,” she breathes.

And pounces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're taking a break from the Royal storyline for a bit, but I'll bring it back once I get the inspiration to write for it. I know how it's gonna go down and there will be pain. 
> 
> I see y'all leaving kudos and stuff so I'm going to assume you like it. As long as I make at least one reader happy, I shall continue writing.
> 
> Not sure if I should write Joker smut or not. Because it's pretty obvious it's where this is going lmao.
> 
> Why didn't they just go to the reader's apartment to talk it out? Because...reasons. And because Akira knows the reader is really into his Joker persona.


	11. There's a Power Pulling Me Back To You(2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't originally going to do this, but I figured it couldn't hurt. It's not my best, but writing smut is hard, okay? I usually get so embarrassed writing it.
> 
> If you're not into smut, feel free to skip.

At the first touch of her lips, Akira knows he's a goner. He crushes her body to his in an explosion of pent up sexual frustration and lust as one of her hands fly through his hair, her nails scraping gently across his scalp.

There are infinitely better places to do something like this, but Akira's too wound up to bother waiting any longer. He's going to finally have her _now,_ and he'd be damned if he's made to wait even another minute.

Akira tears at her clothes while she tears at his. Eventually, he winds up on the floor, up against the wall as she shoves his pants down. Akira can't really make sense of the outfit she wears underneath her long overcoat, the material unlike anything he's ever seen, full of silver ornaments that evoke the image of a clock. It's fitting, oddly enough. She's kind enough to help him, reaching behind her to untie her corset. Akira's mouth goes dry as her breasts are exposed to him, and he wastes no time in taking one of her nipples into his mouth as she inhales sharply above him. She murmurs encouragement and sweet little nothings that has Akira painfully hard against her thigh. He doesn't want to rush this, but he wants her so _badly._

His signature coat and undershirt are long gone, as are his red gloves, and he kicks off one of his shoes to slide his pants off partway. The result is less than ideal, as his pants end up being bunched up around one of his ankles, but she's already tugging at his underwear and pulling it down until he's completely exposed to her.

She shimmies out of her skirt with some difficulty, as she seems loathe to tear herself away from Akira's ministrations. Her hands wander along his chest, his arms, as if she's trying to burn this into her memory permanently. Akira himself has not been idle, as his fingers wander down, _down…_

The first press of his finger against her folds has her jerking in his firm grip. She seems so sensitive here. He pushes his finger inside carefully, but she makes no pained sounds. To his delight, she's already soaked and the knowledge that she wants him just as badly as he wants her has him reeling. He tries to be careful while working her open, but when she takes it upon herself to sit on his nap, he can't help the groan that tears itself from his throat as she brushes up against him.

He removes his fingers from her and his breath catches in his throat as she takes him in her hand and slowly lowers herself onto him. The sight of his cock slowly disappearing into her folds is something he could watch on repeat forever. Akira feels that maybe they've gone a bit too fast as he sees a slight furrow between her brows, but he yanks her forward into a heated kiss as he thrusts up, claiming her in one sharp motion.

Akira knows he could have taken his time. He could have spent hours working her open, until she's left breathless and writhing underneath him begging him to fill her up. But Akira himself is already too close to that teetering fall, too desperate, and if he had waited even a second longer to get into her body, he thinks he would have screamed. Her tight warmth around him feels incredible. He never wants to give it up.

With his hands on her hips, he begins to move within her as her head buries itself into his shoulder in screwed pleasure. She helps him along by moving her hips in tandem with his thrusts. Even throughout all this, she's still so quiet, little more than soft gasps escaping her parted lips. But Akira doesn't want that. He wants to ruin her completely, to have her fall apart in his hands. He wants to make her _scream._

His thrusts slow down until he's grinding against her. She turns wild above him, bouncing herself on his lap, clearly trying to regain the momentum they had before. But Akira holds her steady, forcing her to just sit there and take what he's giving her. Of course Akira would grant her whatever she wished—just not always right away.

“Akira…Akira, please…” she rasps. It's the closest she'll ever come to begging and Akira knows it. He grins savagely and squeezes her hip, her only warning before he cants his hips upward again, ripping a hoarse moan from her throat. He pumps up hard into her, feeling a subtle tension along her thighs. She's close. He doesn't want it to end. He never wants it to end. This love, this devotion, her adoring moans…everything. He wants to stay here forever, surrounded by her slick heat. He's never known such exquisite pleasure until now.

Akira claims her mouth like he claims her body, his tongue entwining with hers as his pace reaches a fever pitch. Their breaths intermingle as she abruptly tenses and gasps into his mouth, her grip on his shoulders tightening as she crashes over the edge. Akira himself reaches his peak only a few short seconds later, driving up into her with one last hard thrust. Her body trembles at the sensation of him filling her up as she slumps against him, completely spent.

They don't move from their position for a while, content to bask in the afterglow. He gently strokes her back, distinctly aware that he's still hard inside her. Honestly, he's more than up for another round, but the wall didn't do his back any favors and as he sits up, he hears his joints pop.

(First Name) raises her head to gaze at him, frowning at the sound. She reaches behind him and runs her hand along his back. There's a small hum of magical energy and Akira feels the soreness in his lower back recede. After a moment, she speaks, her voice slightly hoarse. “I could…transport us to my apartment. It is…more comfortable than here. If you're okay with that, I mean.”

Akira nods, eager. “More than okay. In fact…” he gives her rear a gentle squeeze, causing her to yelp. “I wouldn't mind doing this again.”

She huffs out a laugh before fumbling for her necklace. With it clutched in her hand, she takes hold of his shoulder with her other hand and they warp away.

Akira doesn't even spare a glance to (First Name)'s apartment before he's lifting her up and carrying her to her bedroom. He feels like he's burning up with his normal clothes back on his body, but he quickly divests himself of his shirt and pants after lowering her to her bed. She looks remarkably put together for someone who just had sex in Mementos. Which is odd, because Akira definitely remembers her as someone exceptionally gifted with magic, but with unremarkable stamina.

Did Akechi already…?

No. He can't think like that. It doesn't matter. (First Name) isn't with the detective anymore. _He_ _'s_ the one with her like this now, he's the one loving her like this, not Akechi.

His only course of action now is to make her feel so good that she won't even consider going back to the man he once called his rival.

* * *

Akira wakes to a dozen missed calls and thirty text messages from Futaba. She had gone from asking where he was to her threatening to call the police and file a missing person's report. Oddly enough, there isn't anything from Sojiro, but he's always had an uncanny ability to know where Akira is at all times.

A body shifts next to him, settling deeper into the blankets. Akira looks down and feels his face grow soft at the sight of (First Name) snuffling slightly in her sleep. Her bare shoulder is exposed, along with a part of her back and Akira leans down to press a kiss to her shoulder. She doesn't respond aside from pressing herself closer against his chest.

He glances at his screen and sees that it's just past midnight, and it's Sunday. Akira smiles and puts his phone on the nightstand and wraps his arms around his lover, perfectly content to stay where he is.

He'll deal with Sojiro and the others in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I have to be honest with you, dear readers. There were a lot of times during the process of writing this series where I came very close to giving up. But you kept me going with your kind words and encouragement and that, more than anything, pulled me from the brink.
> 
> Until next time, dear readers.


	12. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(10)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to the Royal plotline again because inspiration hit me. Right now, my life is pretty turbulent, and updates may be a bit slower, but fear not, dear readers. I still plan to crank out those chapters as soon as possible, so please be patient.
> 
> Also, all aboard the angst train!

Deep in Mementos, the ground heaves and a jagged spike of rock erupts out of the earth in front of her. Noir cries out as she's sent flying backward. She lands on her back, hard. You watch her with an impassive gaze, unimpressed.

“Your footwork is sloppy and uncoordinated. Again.” From where you're standing, you can see she's barely keeping her tears at bay, her body covered in various cuts and scrapes. She struggles to get up, leaning on her heavy axe for support. The other Phantom Thieves watch from a safe distance. Their expressions range from sympathetic to downright furious.

You try not to let it bother you. This is for their survival.

“Hey, um…do you think that maybe you're pushing her a little too hard?” Oracle pipes up timidly. She's the only one of the Phantom Thieves who isn't combat-oriented, so you've given her a reprieve from your brutal training regimen.

“Noir says she wishes to not be a burden. I am simply complying with her request,” you reply.

“Yeah, but you're really putting her through the wringer. She looks like she's about to collapse,” Panther winces, eying Noir's haggard appearance. “It's hard to watch, honestly.”

“You've all been through the same thing,” you say, unfazed. “And you all came out stronger as a result. This is no different.”

Skull makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and pushes himself off the wall. “She _just_ joined us, damn it! I'm sick of your high and mighty attitude, acting like you're so much better than us! You're not that much stronger than us anymore, okay?! We have our own power, so stop looking down on us!”

This is surprising. It sounds as if this has been building for a while. You wonder why he hasn't brought it up before now.

“Skull...” Queen says softly, putting a placating hand on his arm, but he angrily shrugs her off.

“No! I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut about it. You act like you're the one running the group, but Joker is our leader, not you!”

Your eyes are wide as a long, ugly silence follows his words. The other Phantom Thieves all stare at either you or Skull. Even Morgana, who's usually quick to break up minor arguments between members, is oddly silent. Which can only mean that he agrees with Skull.

If you're completely honest, Skull's words actually sting quite a bit. You've been doing your best to not get too close with any of them, especially Joker. For them to survive the Game is your greatest priority, but perhaps you've been too distant and closed off. You never meant to come across as arrogant, but by not making an attempt to connect with them, you've inadvertently made yourself that way.

Some of what you're feeling must show on your face because Skull blanches and quickly tries to backpedal. “Hey, uh…I didn't really mean it like that. Look, I'm sorr—“

“No, no. Don't apologize,” you say softly, sighing. “It was honest. If anything, I'm the one who needs a reality check. I keep forgetting you're all still so young. It's unfair to put such a burden on your shoulders. But I never thought you were beneath me. Not even once. I'm sorry if I ever gave off that impression.” You look at Noir, still struggling to stand and you wave a softly glowing hand over her injuries. Her cuts and scrapes slowly vanish and she quietly thanks you.

You've been trying so hard these past few months, doing your utmost to keep them from harm during Mementos and Palace runs. Every time they got injured, you were always there to heal them. Whenever they faced off against a tough enemy, in terms of buffs and support, they wanted for nothing.

You really thought you were helping. But maybe they took it as you patronizing them. You're not blind. You've seen the way they sometimes seem to talk without, and about you. You're usually the last to arrive during a meet up, so seeing them huddled together talking in low voices is horribly reminiscent of that time in your Palace.

It's fine. Really. Even as ignorant of human social customs as you are, you can take a hint.

You swallow hard. “I think…I've done enough damage for one day.” You inwardly wince at how weak and plaintive your voice sounds. From the corner of your eye, you see Skull's expression twist with guilt. You ignore it. “If anyone has need of me, you have my number.” You close your eyes and grasp your asterisk in your hand, drawing on your magic reserves.

You think you hear the beginnings of your name being called but by then, you've already warped away.

* * *

You wait for hours, but no new messages appear on your phone.

You try not to shed tears over it. It's not worth it.

_Has it ever been?_ The voice in your head jeers, delighting in your misery.

* * *

After the fourth day, you stop hiding away in your apartment and go out to buy more fertilizer for your plants. You're running low, anyway.

It's lonely, not talking to anyone for those few days. You have half a mind to contact Akechi, but he's always been a busy man. And while it is tempting to tell him that you know everything about him, you know he won't take it well. You'd rather not drive away one of the only friends you have in this crystal-forsaken universe.

Ever since you followed Akechi to his apartment, your relationship with Ren has unfortunately become distant. It's a relief not to have him stare longingly at you all the time anymore, but it seems he's become distracted lately. He sighs occasionally, and when Ann had once jokingly asked if he was thinking of someone special, he had frozen for a second before his usual mask was back in place. It had been fleeting, but you had already seen.

Has Ren…moved on?

This is what you wanted, isn't it?

Isn't it…?

So why does it make your chest ache so badly? It feels like the weight of the ocean is pressing down on your heart, making it hard to breathe.

_It's obvious, isn't it?_

You still love him.

You also now know the reason he hasn't sent you anything for the past few days.

Kasumi happily walks alongside him in the Underground Mall, her face bright and cheery as she gushes about how much fun she had at a festival. Ren's eyes are soft as she babbles on, oblivious to his growing affection that's as clear as day.

Ren used to look at you that way, before you rebuffed his advances. You gaze at them as they walk together. They make a good match.

You shake your head and try to find the strength inside your heart to remain resolute. Ren's survival has always been your top priority. Everything else comes second. Even if…

Even if he doesn't love you anymore…it's fine as long as he survives.

“(Last Name)-san!”

Would it be rude to pretend you didn't hear her? No, she had called out loudly enough that you can't ignore it. But to face Ren after such a devastating revelation…

“Good evening,” you say quietly. You refuse to look at Ren. If you do, something inside you will break. You don't think your heart will survive it.

“Are you just headed home? Oh, that's a good quality fertilizer! Do you garden, (Last Name)-san?” Kasumi chirps happily.

Your fingers tighten over the medium-sized bag you hold in front of you like a shield. “Yes, I…I have always liked plants…” Gods, where has your self control gone? Why does your voice waver so much? You clear your throat, but your eyes seem glued to the bag as if weighed down with lead balls. Ryuji's words from a few days ago ring in your head and you can't help but remember how not one of the Phantom Thieves came to your defense. Not even Ren.

What are you even doing? You don't belong with them.

“Um…(Last Name)-san…?” If even Kasumi notices your less than happy mood, then you're doing a terrible job of keeping your emotions in check.

_Weak! Weak and pathetic!_

“It was nice meeting up like this.” No, it wasn't. Liar, liar. You always lie. “But I'm afraid I must be going. Please excuse me.”

You've only taken a few steps before Kasumi's voice calls out to you again.

“(Last Name)-san! You know you can always talk to me if there's something bothering you.”

Her offer is appreciated, but it's too little, too late. “…Thank you, Yoshizawa-san.” You're glad you're facing away from them. You're glad they don't have to see the tears that are surely rolling down your cheeks at that very moment.

Your walk turns into a sprint as soon as you round a corner, uncaring of the surprised glances you get from passersby.

_Why do you shed tears? You should be happy for them. A monster has no business being with a human, after all…_

You know that. Even as your facade crumbled right in front of him, Ren had said _nothing._ You hate yourself for crying, for thinking that Ren really cared.

* * *

You don't know how long you spend wandering the streets of Shibuya, head bowed and valiantly trying to fight down your tears. Your Shadow is right about you. You _are_ pathetic.

“(First Name)?”

You shouldn't turn around in the state you're in, but you do anyway. You can't summon the willpower to put your mask back on, so you don't bother. You're so exhausted...

Gods, what a mess.

Akechi takes in your downcast expression, puffy eyes, and wet cheeks and he doesn't waste a single second as he ushers you to a quiet alleyway. Once you're both hidden from any curious eyes, he takes you in his arms and crushes you against his body. Your bag of fertilizer lies forgotten at your feet as you hold him back just as fiercely, feeling your face crumple under the weight of your broken heart.

Both of you remain that way for a long time, Akechi's hand stroking the back of your head in a soothing gesture. On occasion, you feel something press against the top of your head, but you're too busy trying to keep yourself from falling apart to notice.

Slowly though, the worst of your heartache passes, as does your tears.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Akechi asks softly.

You shake your head from where it's resting against his chest.

“…Do you want to come home with me?”

You nod.

The walk to Akechi's apartment is a silent one, and by the time you walk through the doorway, you're just about ready to collapse. You discard your overcoat and make your way to the couch, but Akechi gently steers you to his bedroom. You're too tired to care that he gently takes off your boots and tucks you in. You can't remember the last time someone has fussed over you like this. It's been far too long.

Akechi heads into the adjoining bathroom but he emerges after only a few minutes, wearing a simple sleeping shift you remember from so long ago.. He adjusts the light on his nightstand until it's only a dim glow. He crawls under the covers next to you and gently wraps his arms around you from behind.

“Is this okay?” he whispers, and you nod, finding the warm heat of his body comforting.

Akechi lets out a happy sigh as he presses himself closer until no space remains between your bodies. There's something new, something strangely intimate about the way he nuzzles the nape of your neck.

It's not long before the curtain call of sleep beckons, but this time, you gladly let yourself be pulled into its dark abyss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lesson to our dear reader-chan. No matter how much one may be in love with you, they won't wait for you forever.


	13. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(11)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's early?

You stare at the confection in your hands with a dubious gaze. It...certainly looks like something Ann would have eaten with gusto, but you don't share the same fanatical love of sweets.

You stop, feeling a painful squeeze in your chest. Thinking of Ann hurts. Thinking about any of the Phantom Thieves hurts.

“You've never had a crepe before?” Akechi asks, smiling. He doesn't seem to be making fun of you, so you don't take offense.

“Not really, no,” you mutter, trying to take a bite without getting a face full of whipped cream. It still manages to end up on your nose and you sigh, resigning yourself to a messy face. You wish you had an extra napkin.

Akechi laughs, the sound warm and carefree. “You've got something on your nose, (First Name). Here—let me…” He withdraws a handkerchief from his coat pocket and gently starts wiping down your face. You grumble, unable to say anything with your mouth full.

Akechi's hand lingers by your cheek and you tilt your head slightly, confused. His eyes have a somewhat faraway look and they're fixated on your lips.

It doesn't bother you as much as it used to.

You swallow, feeling a bit nervous for some reason. Akechi's eyes follow the movement. “Is there something on my face?”

He blinks and gives his head a little shake, a faint dusting of pink on his cheeks. He recovers quickly and laughs quietly, little more than a barely perceptible huff of air out of his nose.

“No, nothing like that. Do you like the crepe, by the way?”

You nod. “It's not as sweet as I was expecting. Not that it's a bad thing. Edea would have…” You trail off as old memories rise to the surface. They're fond memories, mostly consisting of Edea asking Agnès about her hometown's delicacies. You distinctly remember her talking about stretchy ice cream.

You sigh, feeling nostalgic for a time gone by. “Edea would have loved this.”

“Friend of yours?” Akechi asks, curious. You nod.

“She was quite fond of sweets. Sometimes, I doubt she thought of little else.”

A comfortable silence follows, in which you polish off the rest of your treat. The back of your neck prickles uncomfortably and you frown.

“Something wrong?”

You glance around discreetly and take a small step closer to him. You pull out your phone, but you motion to him to step into your personal space. Akechi catches on quickly and you hold your phone up to your face, pretending to show him something on the screen.

“I think I'm being watched…” you mutter in a low voice. Akechi's expression doesn't change, but there's a hard glint in his eyes that wasn't there before.

“Where?” he whispers.

“Somewhere behind me, I think.”

“I see.”

Akechi moves closer until he's practically pressed up against you, but you don't dare move away. His eyes flit in different directions before he stops. He bends over, then tilts his head close to your ear.

“Play along,” he murmurs, before his arm encircles your shoulders and pulls you close to his body. His other arm wraps around your waist, the heat of his hand a brand against your body.

You let out a choked noise, but when his words register, you tentatively return the embrace. Akechi shivers and his grip tightens slightly, but he otherwise doesn't react. Not long after, something presses against the top of your head gently, but you don't dare move.

Did he find the perpetrator?

After a time, he releases you.

“Did you see who it was?” you ask.

Akechi nods. “I did.”

“Well…who was it?”

He smiles, a strange gleam of triumph in his eyes. “Nobody important.”

* * *

The very next day, you get a text message from Ren. It simply reads, _Meet us at the courthouse in Kasumigaseki._

You frown, thinking hard. The Phantom Thieves never mentioned going to Sae's Palace before. In fact, it's been radio silence ever since the fallout with Skull. If they _are_ going there, then Haru's father must be…

You arrive at the courthouse in a bad mood, though you take care to make sure your face is as neutral as possible. You're angry, no question about that, and although the memory of Ren and Kasumi together still stings, you'll be damned if you let any weakness show. You have no intention of playing nice, however. Yes, it's petty, but after the treatment you received at their hands, they can deal with it.

The rest of the Phantom Thieves are already there, plus Akechi, who looks surprised to see you.

“(First Name),” he says, genuinely shocked. “I didn't know you were a member of the Phantom Thieves.”

“That's right,” Ryuji says smugly. “She's one of us, Mr. Ace Detective.”

“That remains to be seen,” you mutter under your breath, though it appears that Akechi heard your snide comment, if his sudden grin is anything to go by.

“We were just discussing code names,” Morgana says. “Akechi will be joining the group as of today, so we were thinking of a code name for him.”

“Now wait just a damned minute,” you cut in, letting a touch of your anger seep into your voice. “What is going on here? We're going to explore a new Palace here in the courthouse, correct? Why am I only just hearing about this now? Whose Palace is this? How did Akechi learn of your identity?” You know perfectly well what has transpired in the days you were left alone, but you want to see them squirm. That, and you're technically not supposed to know.

After a brief, yet uncomfortable silence, Haru steps forward. “Remember my father's Palace? We were...seen coming out from it after one of our excursions. I think the reason Akechi never found out about you was because you always leave the Palaces in a different way than we do.” She takes a deep breath and you know you're not imagining the sadness in her eyes. “After…we changed my father's heart, he…he suffered a mental shutdown. He's…he's gone.”

You sigh heavily, feeling a bit of your anger leave you. Haru, at least, has a perfectly valid excuse. “My condolences, Okumura-san. That must have been devastating.” She offers you a watery smile and murmurs her thanks.

“After that, we had the school festival where Akechi came as a guest speaker,” Makoto says. “He asked to speak with all of us in private, and it was there he revealed that he knew who we were. Essentially…we were seen, and he has the evidence to prove it.”

“Technically, you're still in the clear since he has no proof that you were with us,” Ann adds. “But he essentially blackmailed us into cooperating with him.”

“In other words, he's got you cornered good and proper,” you finish, and Futaba winces.

“You don't have to say it like that, but...yeah.”

“And this Palace?” You gesture to the courthouse.

“It's my sister's,” Makoto explains. “I think she's under a lot of pressure to find the Phantom Thieves, and it's warped her sense of justice. Now, all she ever cares about is succeeding, even at the cost of her integrity.”

“I see,” you say slowly. Your anger returns and the Phantom Thieves closest to you involuntarily take a step back. “And no one thought to inform me of this until now?”

“Well…that's…” Morgana looks guilty and you stare at him impassively until he squirms with discomfort.

“Let's just focus on code names right now,” Ren says. “We need to think of a name for Akechi. Anything come to mind?”

There's something strange in Ren's voice. In fact, he's been acting strange ever since you got here. There's a subtle tension along his jawline and his movements are a bit agitated and jerky, suggesting anger of some sort, though it oddly doesn't seem directed at you.

Why on earth is _he_ angry?

It doesn't matter, you tell yourself. Survival first, feelings later.

“Hm…” You're not sure if his old code name will trigger any memories, but the last time it happened, he had no context for what he saw. On the other hand, you can't imagine him using anything else.

“Perhaps…Crow? What do you think?” _Please don't trigger a memory, please don't trigger a memory..._

Akechi smiles. “I love it. What's your code name, (First Name)?”

You tilt your head slightly to one side. “Diamond.”

His smile widens into a grin. “Did you know that it's a common stereotype for crows to be attracted to shiny things? Of course, this was proven to be untrue after scientific study, but in this particular case, I'd say the stereotype is spot on.”

It takes a few seconds for the meaning of his words to sink in, but when they do, your eyes widen as you feel your ears grow hot and you duck your head to hide your burning face. That was…unexpected. Not to mention embarrassing. Why is your heart pounding? Perhaps it's your Palace messing up your emotions again.

“We're wasting time,” Ren growls. “Let's just get this over with.” If you thought he was agitated before, it's nothing compared to how he looks now. To anyone who doesn't know him, they would just see him as mildly annoyed, but you've spent more time with him than anyone else over myriad worlds. His hand grips his phone with unnecessary force as he activates the navigator. Just before you're all pulled in, you catch a glimpse of his clenched jaw and the barely repressed anger in his eyes.

You scowl to yourself. What on earth is his problem? Whatever. _Whatever._ He can deal with it on his own. You still haven't forgotten how they all ignored you for an entire week. Well...except maybe Haru. You should apologize to her soon.

“Your clothes didn't change,” Akechi remarks once you enter Sae's Palace. “Are you acquainted with Sae-san?”

You shake your head. “I fight differently than the others.”

“She doesn't use a Persona,” Futaba explains, in response to Akechi's confusion. “She uses completely different skills than we do. Think of her like, uh…a mage class.”

“A mage class? You mean you use magic?” Akechi says incredulously. “You can't expect me to believe that.”

You roll your eyes and your staff materializes out of thin air. To Akechi's utter shock, you make your staff float in slow circles around you. At your direction, it twirls above your head and you smile slightly as his flabbergasted expression.

“H-How is this achieved?” he stammers.

You tap your necklace with your finger. “It mainly comes from this. This is called an asterisk and it grants you a vocation back in my hometown. With it, you gain different abilities and skills, and yes, that includes magic.”

“She never lets us try it on,” Ryuji grumbles. “She said we're already powerful enough with our Personas.”

“And I stand by that statement,” you reply, ignoring his mutinous glare. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Ren withdraw something small from his pocket. It glints as it catches the light and you turn to him. “Oh? What's that you've got there?”

For a moment, he hesitates before holding it out to you. It's another asterisk, albeit slightly different than the one around your neck. You take it, examining it closely.

You know this particular asterisk well. It's one of your most treasured possessions and you gave this to him in the hopes that he'll remember you one day. The day he calls you by name and returns it to you would be the sign you'd been waiting for. Sadly, it appears that this world wasn't meant to be. But it doesn't mean you won't try your hardest to finally win the Game in this run.

“Hm…this is the Spiritmaster asterisk. How did you come by this?”

Ren shrugs. “I don't remember how I found it. It just seems to follow me wherever I go. It feels like someone important gave it to me a long time ago, but I can't remember who it was.”

You gaze at the asterisk in your hand, sighing in resignation. “I see. Well, they can't have been that important to you if you've forgotten their face.” Ren's expression becomes stricken, but you turn your back on him.

“May I try?” Akechi asks, gazing curiously at the small object in your hand. Immediately, some of the other Phantom Thieves protest angrily and you whirl around, the air shimmering with a burning heat haze.

“Control yourselves!” you snarl. “You think you have the right to ask things of me after not speaking to me for a week and pretending nothing ever happened?” They fall silent at your words and you sneer. “Oh, you think I've forgotten about that, have you? Don't think I haven't noticed you all talking behind my back, either. Perhaps you may not think of me as a friend, but I expected you to at least treat me with common decency.”

You take in their abashed expressions and scowl, turning away. You hand the asterisk over to Akechi, who has a slight smile playing about his lips.

“I honestly don't think anything will happen, but…” He turns the asterisk over in his fingers. “How do I…?”

“See the star on it? Tap the face once to activate it,” you say. He does so and you're surprised to see it glow softly at his touch. “All right, now hold it over your head. If it works, then—”

There's a flash of white light and Akechi's Metaverse outfit vanishes, replaced with an off-white coat with a bright red tie, complete with black gloves and off-white trousers. To top it off, there's a pair of half-rimmed glasses perched on his nose.

There's a beat of silence before you hear Ryuji burst into horrendously loud laughter, shortly followed by a loud thud and Ann snapping at him to shut up.

You ignore them, instead drawing closer to Akechi with wide eyes.

“This is…” You slowly circle around him, examining his new outfit closely. Akechi seems to preen under your attention and you back off after a few moments. “I must say, you look very nice in this. It…suits you.”

“You think so?” Akechi asks, practically glowing at the praise.

You nod. “Yes. But to be honest…” You take back the asterisk and Akechi's Metaverse outfit reappears. “I think the Dark Knight class is a better fit for you.”

You turn away from him then, so you completely miss the way Akechi's face contorts with brief panic before it settles back into a neutral expression. He follows behind you, a calculating glint in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering why Ren is angry, I think it's pretty obvious. Silly Ren, you can't have your cake and eat it, too.
> 
> I might do an interlude on his feelings about this. Not sure yet.


	14. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short chapter on Ren's point of view. I hope you enjoy nonetheless, dear readers.

“Hey, uh…do you think maybe (First Name) is getting a bit too, I don't know…used to being in charge?” Ryuji whispers in a low voice.

Ren stares at him, a bit taken aback by his tone. Ryuji isn't a secretive person by any means, but the way he glances around anxiously tells him that he's been thinking about this for a while.

“What do you mean?” he asks instead.

Ryuji scuffs his shoe against the ground, clearly uncomfortable. “Look…I know you like her and all but…the way she looks down on us is starting to piss me off.”

“Uh…”

Ryuji holds his hands up in a placating gesture. “Hey, I'm just saying. Think about it. She follows your orders well enough, but then she goes and heals us whenever we so much as get a scratch. It's like she thinks we can't handle a little punishment.”

Ren frowns. “Have you talked to her about this?”

“Hell no, I ain't suicidal. I mean, she's easy on the eyes and all, but she's kind of…scary. I guess that's part of why you like her, right? You like someone who's got a bit of a dangerous side. Mysterious as hell, too. Even in the months we've worked together, we don't know anything about her. Like, her favorite food, her favorite color, nothing.”

Ryuji does have a point. One of the few things he knows is that she's a good singer, but he learned that information secondhand from Kasumi, of all people. Makoto arrives shortly afterward, putting an end to their conversation for now.

Speaking of Kasumi, Ren's starting to feel a budding attraction to her. She's pretty and graceful, and infinitely sweeter than (First Name). He can't help but marvel at how they're almost complete opposites in terms of personality. He feels like slime for being attracted to more than one person, but he's not doing anything wrong. He and (First Name) were never an official thing. She made sure of that when she rejected his advances.

Still, he can't help but feel like he's...settling.

But holy hell, Kasumi looks amazing in her Metaverse outfit. It's similar to his own, but she wears a black leotard in place of pants. Just the sight of the ivory skin of her thighs is enough to make him weak in the knees.

At the same time, it's nothing compared to how it felt to kiss (First Name) in the darkness of his room. She felt so warm to the touch, and her lips were soft and pliant against his own. But…why did she stop? Was it because she was older? Or was it something else?

Then he remembers that outing he had with Kasumi and Akechi as an unwanted tag-along. He called her by her first name, which is something the Phantom Thieves hadn't achieved until some time later. Is Akechi more her type?

If that were true, why did she kiss him back?

God, he's so confused…

The rest of the Phantom Thieves arrive with their newest member, Haru. There's a nervous sort of energy in the air. It is Haru's first training session with (First Name), after all. And if Ren knows anything about her, it's that her training sessions are...brutal, to say the least. He hopes Haru can pull through.

* * *

The training session is a disaster.

Haru can't land a single hit on (First Name) at all. Her axe is heavy and awkward, so her swings are clearly telegraphed and easily dodged. It's not the intense back and forth that Makoto and he himself had with (First Name). It's a completely one-sided fight and Ren winces as Haru is sent flying from a pillar of earth that erupts beneath her feet. She lands hard on her back and she doesn't get up immediately.

It's clear that she's in pain, but (First Name) seems completely uncaring of her physical state, if her harsh criticism is anything to go by. It seems a bit out of place, but Ren's noticed that she's gotten really intense over the past few months. She seems oddly agitated and what she used to let slide before earns a cold reprimand now.

Ren knows she's trying to make them stronger but Ryuji cracks first. He probably could have handled it better than blowing up at her, but Ren knows that deep down, they were all feeling the same thing in some form.

The hurt in her eyes makes Ren's insides squirm unpleasantly, but before Ryuji could properly apologize, she heals Haru's wounds and expresses remorse for her behavior.

“I think…I've done enough damage for one day,” she murmurs in a tremulous voice.

Oh no, that can't be what she takes away from all this. They need to talk this out right now, before it festers into something ugly, but before Ren can call out to her, she warps away in a pillar of light.

There's a long, awkward silence after she's gone. The Phantom Thieves carefully avoid each others' eyes, though it's clear this Mementos run is pretty much over for the day.

“Damn it, Ryuji,” Ann growls, punching him solidly in the arm.

“Ow, hey! Don't act like none of you were thinking about it,” he grumbles back, wincing.

“You didn't have to say it like that,” Futaba mumbles. “I always thought she was more…I dunno, untouchable?”

“But that look on her face…” Ann whispers. “She looked so… _lonely.”_

“Lonely or not, she still put Haru through so much,” Makoto retorts. “I actually thought she was going to kill her.”

“I don't think she would go that far…” Yusuke interjects, but Morgana shakes his head.

“Maybe not, but it's still something we need to talk about with her. She can't keep doing these things and think we'll just keep quiet about it. Ryuji's right. Joker is our leader, not her.”

“We have the trip to Destinyland tomorrow, too…” Ann says wistfully. “Do you think she'll still want to come?”

Everyone falls silent at Ann's question and they carefully avoid each others' eyes. It's obvious that they'll be short one Phantom Thief member even if one of them is courageous enough to reach out to her.

What do you even say to a person you're only on polite terms with? A person who's not even a friend or even an acquaintance?

Ren honestly doesn't know.

* * *

The mental shutdown of Haru's father on live television puts (First Name) out of their minds for a while. Haru is beyond devastated and she needs time to grieve. Nobody says it, but everyone knows there's a funeral in the works.

Ren's heart breaks for her. He doesn't know what it's like to lose a parent, or anyone, really. He can't even imagine the amount of grief and guilt she must be feeling. Ren's a bit terrified, too. What if stealing his treasure _did_ cause him to have a mental shutdown? If that were true, then the Phantom Thieves were murderers. The most they could hope for was to eventually fade into obscurity.

But it's not that simple. The police are still actively looking for them. It doesn't help that Akechi's also actively sniffing them out. He might be fun to hang out with most of the time, but he's also really perceptive. Ren's honestly not sure if Akechi's already onto them or not. Knowing him, he's probably already figured out their identities.

The day of the school festival brings a sort of levity that they've been sorely lacking the last few days. Haru finally begins to heal and they make the most of their time at the festival.

Until Akechi drops a bombshell on them with no warning. And Ren knew it. He _knew_ Akechi was onto them. He just didn't think he'd have actual _evidence._

God, he's so screwed, isn't he? With his criminal record, Ren's pretty sure he'd be damned lucky to escape prison time. His future would be in ruins. Forget ever seeing his friends again, spending time with them, or even changing the hearts of criminals with them.

Ren wouldn't see the light of day ever again if this evidence got forwarded to the police.

Luckily, Kasumi helps take his mind off the horrible situation he's just landed himself in. In the school festival after party, he's invited to dance and let loose. It's silly and lighthearted, and he finds that he's enjoying himself despite everything.

But then Kasumi dances, and his world falls still. She's breathtaking. She's so elegant and graceful, but there's a quiet strength to her movements that leaves him in awe. She finishes her dance with a flourish, her smile wide and eyes bright and sparkling.

_And she's all yours for the taking…_

Ren feels bold enough to ask to walk her home afterward, and he's delighted when she says yes. They spend the time together talking about the festival and when Ren compliments her dancing, her face lights up so beautifully.

“(Last Name)-san!”

Oh shit.

She's right there, coincidentally visiting the Underground Mall, holding a medium-sized package of what he thinks is fertilizer. From what Ren knows about taking care of the plant in his room, she's holding the really expensive kind. He didn't know she liked to garden. In fact, he barely knows anything at all. Why has he never asked?

He comes back to himself in time to hear Kasumi asking, “Do you garden, (Last Name)-san?”

“Yes, I…I have always liked plants…” While her face is as unreadable as it's always been, her voice speaks volumes. Not once has Ren ever heard it sound so…small. Ren can't describe it as anything other than that. There's also a subtle tension behind it that even Kasumi picks up on.

“Um…(Last Name)-san…?”

_What's wrong with you…? Look at me, damn you!_

But (First Name)'s eyes refuse to meet his own. She never even glances in his direction. Not once.

“It was nice meeting up with you,” she says softly. “But I'm afraid I must be going. Please excuse me.”

She bows stiffly and walks past them, and Ren makes an aborted gesture to grab her wrist, or do something— _anything—_ to make her stay and explain herself. But he's rendered mute, impeded by his own frustration.

Luckily, Kasumi is the one to break the silence. “(Last Name)-san! You know you can always talk to me if there's something bothering you.”

If Ren's completely honest, that should have been his line, not Kasumi's.

_What kind of friend does that make me…?_

(First Name)'s response is almost lost in the din of other passersby.

“...Thank you, Yoshizawa-san.”

Then she's gone, blending in and disappearing into the crowds of the Underground Mall.

And Ren's heart sinks down to his stomach. Her voice had sounded oddly strained and tight, as if her throat had constricted with emotion. Almost like…like…

_She was about to cry…_

Kasumi watches her go, a pensive frown on her pretty face. “I'm worried about her,” she murmurs, and Ren feels like slime. “I don't mean to pry, but I really think she needs someone to talk to. Like…a professional.”

“What do you mean?”

Kasumi looks at him, biting her lower lip. “I know I really shouldn't assume the worst, but…I had a…friend like that once. They were holding onto a lot of pain in their heart, and they confided in me that it felt like no one knew they were hurting. They couldn't cry out for help because the demons they carried prevented them from speaking up and admitting that they had a very real problem.”

Ren suddenly feels very cold. “What…happened to your friend?”

Kasumi's eyebrows furrow and there's real pain in her eyes. “They're…no longer with us.” She glances up and notices his stricken expression and she suddenly looks alarmed. “Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to frighten you. But I think you should say something to her. I don't want her to end up like my friend. So…talk to her. Please?”

Ren nods. “All right. I'll say something to her.”

Tomorrow. He'll talk to her tomorrow.

* * *

Why can't he move? She's right there, in front of the crepe shop. But _Akechi's_ with her. Why is he always there when Ren wants to talk to her alone? Sometimes, he thinks it's one of Akechi's special powers.

(First Name) beckons Akechi over and shows him something on her phone. He can't see what it is from this angle, but there's an unpleasant sensation in his chest. It's not quite anger, but it's a certain…possessiveness he feels toward the girl standing just meters away.

Akechi wraps his arms around her and to Ren's utter dismay, she actually returns the embrace. Are they…together? Did she not feel attracted to him anymore? No, that can't be. She told him she liked him herself months ago!

But now…?

Ren's heart completely stops in his chest when Akechi leans down and very deliberately presses a kiss to the top of her head. She doesn't react, or move in any way. As Ren stands there struggling to breathe, Akechi's eyes slowly raise to stare directly into his own. A slow grin spreads across the detective's face, eyes gleaming in challenge.

_Mine,_ his smile says.

And Ren—

Ren can only turn tail and run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ren, for the love of god, just TALK TO HER.


	15. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(12)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That took longer than I thought, but life pulled the rug out from beneath my feet, so to speak. I'll try to finish this arc by the end of October, but I make no promises.

The first foray into Sae's Palace is merely an initial survey. To you, it's a familiar place you've visited many times before, but your relationship with the Phantom Thieves has never been this tense. It's a chance for the Phantom Thieves to suss out Akechi's strength as a Persona user, and while you can tell they're impressed against their will, there's also a certain wariness in the way they treat him.

You don't blame them. Akechi essentially blackmailed his way into the group and demanded this to be their very last heist.

Speaking of Akechi, you feel his eyes on you _constantly._ It's a bit distracting, particularly during battle. The Shadows here aren't particularly dangerous yet, but it's a bit frustrating pretending to be ignorant of their strengths and weaknesses.

It's so easy to fall into back on your muscle memory. Because even if the Phantom Thieves don't have the experience of working with Akechi, _you_ do. There are only a few times where he gets seriously hurt because he's holding back (unbeknownst to the Phantom Thieves), but you're quick to heal him up even before Ren gives you the order. During a small break in a safe room, you quietly pull Haru aside and formally apologize for being so hard on her during the last trip to Mementos. To your surprise, she accepts your apology and even tells you that she has a lot of work to do before she can catch up to your level.

You still hold a slight grudge toward the other Phantom Thieves sans Akechi and the aforementioned Haru, so you don't really attempt to make peace with them. Why should you apologize for being ignored? Besides, this will be all over soon, whether it be because of someone dying or you finally winning the Game. You sincerely hope it's the latter. You're honestly sick of it all at this point.

You wonder how Luxendarc has fared in your absence. It would be nice to see everyone again…

“Diamond?”

It takes you a moment to realize you're being addressed. “…Huh?”

Akechi smiles, stepping back from your personal space and _wow_ you didn't know he had been that close. “Are you all right?”

“Just thinking,” you mutter, carefully avoiding his eyes.

“Oh? What about?” Akechi seems genuinely curious, not that polite disinterest that adults use to pretend they're invested in the conversation you've heard so much of in your travels. You decide to be honest with him instead of giving your usual brush-off.

“Home,” you reply, and judging from the sudden widening of his eyes, you can tell you've surprised him.

“Oh, I see. What's it like?” He takes a seat next to you, and you see Ren grimace out of the corner of your eye. In fact, nearly all the Phantom Thieves are subtly trying to listen in on your conversation. Some are better at hiding it than others.

You stare down at your hands folded in your lap, fiddling absently with the bracelet on your left wrist. Akechi's eyes follow the movement.

“It is…different than Tokyo. It is mostly forest, with rivers and creeks filled with fish. It's quite isolated from cities and other towns. There is a mountain range in the north, and a vast sea to the south, so it is difficult for travelers to visit it. I often raised plants there. For a while…I liked living alone. It was peaceful.”

“What changed?”

You smile wistfully. “I met some travelers. They were my first friends. They weren't perfect, but they were still good people. They told me that hey, maybe it's not so bad letting someone in. That I shouldn't have to shut myself away…” Your eyes grow wide as you're hit with a dreadful blast of realization. It feels more like an epiphany, but you've never known one to feel so…demoralizing.

“Oh…” you breathe. “All this time, I…” Then you remember. The days spent periodically checking your phone, hopeful that someone, _anyone_ would reach out. But no one ever did. You've made amends with Haru, but the others?

Your voice trails off into nothing and you clench your hands into fists. “It is good advice, but…I personally feel that one shouldn't make themselves vulnerable for people who don't deserve it. The world is often unkind to the selfless.”

“Well, what about me? Do you consider me a friend?” Akechi asks, his eyes filled with a sort of cautiously optimistic hope.

You can't give him a vague response. It has to be resolute. “I do.” His answering smile lights up his face, and even though it is half hidden behind a mask, you can tell that this is genuine. “You have been an inexplicable comfort to me these past few months. I really appreciate it.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Ryuji interjects loudly from the other side of the room. His tone is inflammatory and you know you shouldn't rise to the bait, but the words tumble from your lips before you can stop them.

“Didn't your mother ever teach you not to eavesdrop?” you snarl, incensed. You level a glare at the rest of the Phantom Thieves, who hastily pretend they weren't just listening in. “All of you, honestly…”

“No, please don't fight…” Haru protests weakly, but Ryuji cuts across her, his face turning red with anger.

“Leave my mom out of this!” Ryuji growls, stomping furiously over to you. He tries to get in your face, but Akechi rises from his seat and plants himself between you two, acting as a barrier.

“I'm only going to say this once,” Akechi says coldly. “If you so much as touch a hair on her head, there will be consequences. Consider your position here, Skull. You wouldn't want to endanger your friends, would you?”

Ryuji looks enraged, but Ren puts a hand on his shoulder, shaking his head. You can tell Ryuji is ready to hurl abuse at Akechi, but Ren merely pulls him away without much fuss.

Your good mood is effectively gone now. Especially since Ryuji seems to have no intention of playing nice.

“Um…thank you,” you say quietly, and Akechi turns to face you, surprised. “For standing up for me. But…I really shouldn't have baited him. It was petty and I shouldn't have done it.”

“Is this how they usually treat you?” There's an undercurrent of steel in Akechi's normally polite tone, but it's not directed at you.

“I…” You sigh and lower your eyes to the ground. “No, actually. It started a month back. I've caught them talking to each other in hushed voices multiple times and they'd often stop when I got close. And then about a week ago, it came to a head and…well, this is the result.”

Akechi's eyes narrow and he whirls on the Phantom Thieves, utterly furious.

“So _this_ is how you treat a fellow teammate? By conspiring behind her back and completely cutting her out? I honestly expected better of the 'legendary' Phantom Thieves,” he sneers.

“What the hell? _She_ started it when she got it in her head that she was the leader,” Ryuji retorts. “Then during a training session in Mementos, she nearly killed Haru!”

“Stop, she already apologized!” Haru says tearfully, but Ryuji ignores her.

“I hate how you look down on us, like you think you're so much better than us. Well, news flash, we're not new to this whole Phantom Thief business anymore! You don't have to heal us up after every tiny cut and scrape we get when fighting Shadows. It's like you think we're children who can't handle a little punishment.”

You slowly rise from your seat, and you feel Akechi's arm encircle your shoulders. His touch grounds you, and it keeps you from completely losing your temper. You pretend not to see Ren's wounded expression when you don't shrug Akechi's arm off.

“Is that what you think?” you say in a dangerously low voice, and Ryuji falters at the fury in your eyes. “Assumptions are _dangerous,_ Sakamoto-san.” The pointed use of his last name is not lost on him, but you continue. “First of all, I thought I made it clear that it was never my intention to give you the impression that I am above you. And second, as much as you don't like to hear this, you _are_ children. You are short-sighted and careless and that is why you were discovered. To be perfectly frank, I'm _astounded_ you've all lasted this long without being arrested. Before Morgana went and reminded you what it was you were fighting for, you treated this like a game. You just wanted fame and glory when the entire point was to help those who needed it.” You take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “And forgive me for worrying about you during a fight, where the tides of battle can change at any given moment. My mistake. From now on, ask Morgana or Queen to help you if your pride is that fragile.”

There's a long drawn-out silence after your rant. Ryuji looks especially uncomfortable. “Hey, um…that's not what I really meant…”

“Then what _did_ you mean?” You're not giving him an inch and everyone knows it. “You've made your point perfectly clear, Sakamoto-san. So, starting now, I won't intervene unless the situation is dire. You want to be treated like an adult? Start acting like one.”

Akechi's rubbing your shoulder and you unconsciously lean into it. It feels nice.

“I think we should take a break for today,” he says. “It's clear the Phantom Thieves are suffering from some serious problems. I suggest you communicate with your teammates better, so this doesn't happen again.”

The other Phantom Thieves look to Ren, who sighs heavily and nods. “Yeah. We definitely need time to cool off. I'll send everyone a message in the group chat when we're ready to meet up again.”

There are murmurs of agreement, but when you start to follow Ren out of the safe room, a hand on your wrist stops you. Just before you turn around to look, you think you see Ren pause at the doorway.

It's Akechi, and there's an unusually serious look on his face. “Does your magic work outside the Metaverse?” he asks and you nod. “The Phantom Thieves said you use a different method to exit Palaces. Are you able to bring me along using this method?”

“Yes…?” you say cautiously. “Why?”

“There's something I want to talk to you about. Alone.”

There's a strange urgency in his voice and you find yourself feeling curious. You look back at Ren, who's staring you with an unreadable expression from the door. He very minutely shakes his head from side to side, but it only makes you incredibly irritated. How does he have the gall to ask things of you when he ignored you and didn't even make an effort to check up on you?

“You can go on ahead, Joker,” you say, and his face falls.

“Are you sure?” he asks, and you nod, resolute.

You don't even wait for his response as you take Akechi's free hand and warp away.

* * *

You arrive in Akechi's apartment, with Akechi now back in his civilian attire.

“That's an incredible power you have, (First Name),” he says. “All of that comes from the asterisk?”

“Not completely. Most of it comes from training in the actual job class, and you learn more skills as you grow. Some skills can only be learned from scrolls, but I haven't seen them available here in Tokyo at all. I'm actually surprised the Spiritmaster asterisk worked on you.”

“I see. But I have a question for you, and I want you to be honest with me. Why did you say the Dark Knight suited me?”

Well, damn. He has you there. You could tell him the truth, with some bits left out.

You ignore the voice in your head that tells you omission is still a lie.

“I consider myself a very observant person, and I have reason to believe that you are presenting a facade to everyone around you. It's especially apparent around the Phantom Thieves, but I also sense a sort of…darkness about you. Forgive me for being blunt, but I think you're holding onto a lot of anger and I sometimes see glimpses of it. So, I had to conclude that either that hidden side of you is the real you, or they both are.”

Akechi's face is carefully blank and you feel a sinking sensation in your chest. It's clear he doesn't like your answer so you decide to give him something you know he'd latch onto, even if it's underhanded.

“I only say this because…I am the same. There are certain parts of myself that are ugly and…monstrous. I suppose it's a byproduct of being the progeny of my…father. I am not proud of some of the things I've done, and if you knew even half of them…well, I'm not sure you'd even want to look at me.”

“Did you…kill your father?”

You take a deep breath and look directly into his eyes. “Yes. He deserved everything he got.”

Akechi's expression changes. There's a sort of fanatical light in his eyes you've seen before. It's the same kind he got when you told him this in the very first world he became your friend.

And just like that, you know you have his trust.

But you're not expecting his next words.

“I have a proposition for you. Why not join me? All you would have to do is abandon those Phantom Thieves. It would be easy for you, would it not? They obviously don't appreciate all you do for them.”

He extends his hand and you stare at it, a bit taken aback.

“Just so we're clear…you want me to still go on this Palace run with them and pretend everything is fine, but in reality, I won't actually be on their side. Is that what you're saying?”

Akechi nods. “We still have to change Sae-san's heart. So, will you join me?”

“If I do, then can you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“When everything is said and done… Ren and the others must be left alive.”

Akechi smiles. “You have my word.”

You stare into his eyes, but he remains resolute. Even if he betrays your trust, you can always reset the Game again.

You take his hand, clasping it firmly in yours.

“It's a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have Ren finally sit down and talk to reader-chan. You know, something that should have been done the second Ryuji blew up at her.


	16. In My Memories, You Are Like a Dream I Wish to Bring Back(13)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well. It's been a while. More than a month, I think. I'm sorry if this isn't what you were hoping to see after that short hiatus, but I hope you can forgive me. I, uh... October has never been a good month for me. That's all I'm going to say.

“Guys, I'm picking up a strange reading on the floor right beneath us,” Oracle says from her seat.

“What kind of reading?” As always, Queen retains a calm tone. “It's weird that you're sensing it right below us. Isn't that a waiting area?”

Oracle nods. “Yeah, that's why it's so strange. I've never seen a reading like this. It's not a Shadow, but it's almost not…human.”

“What? The only ones who can go down here is us,” Skull counters.

“And the black mask,” Fox interjects.

“Wait, remember a month or two ago? Someone came in here, but when we tried to follow them, they kinda…froze us.” Panther shivers at the memory. “It felt so weird. I've never seen a skill like that.”

“That's gotta be the black mask!” Skull declares. “Kaneshiro said they're really powerful and stuff, so maybe we just ran into the culprit without realizing it.”

“Hm…I'm not so sure,” says Haru, their newest member. “I wasn't with you then, but…when you followed them into Mementos, they had every opportunity to kill you after they froze you. But didn't you say they ran away instead?”

“Come to think of it…”

“Yeah, they did…”

“Are they stationary, Oracle?” Ren cuts in, his eyes searching for the way to the next floor.

“Can confirm. They're not mov… Wait! They're starting to make their way to the next floor. Let's catch up to them before they get away!”

Ren floors it, ignoring the protesting screams of the other Phantom Thieves and arrives at the escalator going down. They all scramble out of the Mona bus and follow him down.

At first, Ren thinks it's empty but just at the end of the corridor, he sees a hooded figure wearing a long dark gray overcoat. They quickly turn at the sound of their footsteps and launch a strange spell at them, but this time, they're ready for it. The Phantom Thieves all dive out of the way at his command and surround the mysterious figure. From where he's standing, he can tell that the figure is shorter than him. Their battle stance appears almost relaxed, with their back straight and arms hanging limply at their sides. Even without being able to see their face, they strike quite an elegant profile, much like his own.

With a jolt, he sees their feet actually hovering a few inches off the floor. As the Phantom Thieves draw their weapons, their adversary materializes a curious-looking staff from seemingly nowhere. They twirl their staff quickly in their hands before releasing it and it hovers in the air next to them.

“Keep your guard up, you guys. This opponent will be tough, but I know you can do it.” Oracle hangs back as the other Phantom Thieves shift into battle stances.

Queen makes the first move, charging at the hooded figure, but there's a strange ripple of violet light and they easily dodge the flurry of punches. Fox is next, slashing away with his katana, but their adversary merely takes a great leap over their heads and fires off a torrent of fire at Fox, which unfortunately connects.

Ren feels a trickle of fear as the battle quickly starts to go horribly wrong. He tries to heal up his teammates as best as he can, but the hooded figure is just too fast for them. It's almost like they can read his mind as they take out all of the healers first. With them out of the way, they target him almost exclusively and even though Ren tries his best, he's no match for the deluge of magic spells they throw his way. He's just pulled a balm of life from his coat pocket when he looks up and sees what appears to be a large meteor headed straight for him.

He wakes up with a gasp, a small feather dissolving in a halo of light on his chest. He looks up and sees the figure take a step back from him, their staff nowhere in sight.

Still, he won't take any chances. His teammates still lie unconscious around him and even though he still feels really weak, he won't go down without a fight. He draws his weapon, but the figure doesn't respond in kind. He's confused. Why aren't they fighting?

“You can put that away,” the figure says, and Ren is startled to hear a woman's voice. “I've no interest in continuing a fight you have already lost.” She gestures vaguely to his fallen teammates. “Treat your wounded.”

Wait. They…lost? One person beat the Phantom Thieves single-handedly? But…if that was true, then someone must have revived him.

Then it clicks. That small feather he saw just before it disappeared. She must have used it on him and it woke him up.

“You…helped me? Why?”

She doesn't respond. Instead, she turns around and begins to walk away, her heels clicking softly against the floor.

“Wait!”

She stops walking, but doesn't turn around. Not a good sign.

“Who are you?”

_That voice…_

_It seems…familiar somehow…_

“It doesn't matter,” she says coldly. “This world is doomed.”

“ _This world will soon fall to ruin.”_ Igor's warning rings in his head. At the same time, Ren remembers Akechi saying the same thing with a haunted look in his eyes. He had seemed so much older then, but when Ren had tried questioning him further, he got nothing more than a shake of his head.

Ren is trying his best, but people around him keep telling him that nothing he does matters. He isn't proud of the way he loses control of his voice, but Ren is desperate. He knows the answers are there, just out of sight, but he can't see them.

What is he supposed to do? If he's doomed to fail, what is he even fighting for?

The mysterious figure slowly walks up to him and gently takes hold of his arm. He's struck dumb by how fragile and small her hands are as she places a small object in his palm. It's a necklace. It's an amber-like crystal with a small black star shape in the center of it. Ren has never seen anything like it in his life, but there's something oddly familiar about it.

Her voice is gentle now. Soft.

“If we ever meet again, and you remember my name, return this to me. I'll be waiting.” She lets him go and she turns and walks down the escalator and out of sight.

Ren stares after her long after she disappears from view, feeling more confused than ever.

What is he missing?

* * *

Ren wakes to a heavy weight on his chest. Groaning, he opens his eyes to see Morgana curled up on top of him.

_A dream…?_

Ren closes his eyes again, ready to go back to sleep. It's barely dawn and he doesn't have school that day. He can afford to sleep in.

A second later, he springs up, sending Morgana flying off the bed.

_Wait a minute…that voice! But when did…where did—?_

What was that just now? (First Name) was the one who had given the necklace to him? He never saw the mysterious figure's face, but it was her voice. He's certain of it.

“What's the matter with you?” Morgana grumbles, picking himself off the floor. “Was it a bad dream or something?”

Ren shakes his head, but he's already thinking hard. If she was the one who had given it to him, why hasn't she said anything? The asterisk she had taken from him…he's sure it's the same one. But…why did they fight each other in that dream? Was it a vision of the future?

No…that doesn't sound quite right. Akechi wasn't with them at all in that dream, and he joined up with them not long after Haru. A past event?

“Ren? What's going on? You're looking pretty grim…”

“It's nothing. I was just thinking.”

Morgana tilts his head. “More like you've had an epiphany. Did you come up with a plan for Akechi yet? We know he's lying about the Metaverse and Futaba already bugged his phone. Now all we have to do is wait for something to incriminate him.”

“I'm working on that. I need to talk to (First Name). Alone.”

“No way. I don't trust her, Ren. She's way too close to Akechi. What if she's the black mask? We know she's really strong and she can do magic outside the Metaverse. And even if she isn't the one behind the mental shutdowns, she can still be working with them, whoever they are.”

“If she wanted to kill me, she's had plenty of opportunities to do so. But she hasn't. I need answers.”

“You really think she'll tell you anything just because you ask? I don't like this. It's too risky.”

Ren makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “This is exactly why Akechi has the upper hand on us. Because we're supposed to be a team and we don't even trust our own teammate. How messed up is that? She probably hates us…and I need to fix this. I should have done something, said something—anything! And because I didn't, we're in this situation. I need to do this. Please, just trust me on this.”

Morgana gives him a long hard stare. Eventually, he relents, sighing heavily. “I trust you, Ren. Just promise me you'll let us know if you're in trouble.”

“I promise.”

* * *

**Ren:** _Can you meet me in Shibuya Station Square right now?_

**(First Name):** _Is this urgent?_

**Ren:** _Yes. I need to talk to you. Alone._

**(First Name):** _How ominous. But I must admit, I am curious. Very well. I will be there shortly._

* * *

(First Name) arrives at the meeting spot in less than ten minutes. She looks perfectly put together and walks with an underlying grace. She is elegance personified, and Ren can't help his involuntary shiver.

_She wasn't always this way…_

Yes, even she had her moments of vulnerability. The day he and Kasumi met her on their way home after the school festival, she had seemed so small. But such was her pride that she didn't let them see her moment of weakness. She had turned her face away, shoulders quivering. It had been so obvious, but even at her lowest, she hadn't given them an inch.

Her expression is closed off and unreadable, but Ren sorely wishes to tear down the walls she keeps her heart locked behind. If he can sway even the unyielding Makoto, he's sure he can earn the trust of the ever mysterious (First Name).

Ren leads her to the staircase, and he grabs hold of her hand and activates the Nav. She tenses briefly, but otherwise makes no sounds. The dark red hues of Mementos surrounds them and the noise of the busy station fades.

“…You can let go of my hand now.”

Ren does so, but only reluctantly.

“I must say, this is quite unexpected of you. After an entire week of pretending I don't exist, you suddenly invite me to talk, but only after things start falling apart around you. What are you playing at?” Her tone definitely isn't great and Ren knows he needs to start talking if he wants to remain on speaking terms with her.

“I…I wanted to apologize.”

Her eyebrows rise coldly. “To apologize,” she repeats tonelessly.

“Yes. We…were wrong to ignore you like that. I know Haru lost her father, but Ryuji was being unfair to you. I should have called him out on it, but I didn't. I didn't just call you here just to apologize. I wanted to talk about something where we won't be overheard.”

Her eyes narrow. “I'm listening.”

Ren takes a deep breath. It's now or never. “That necklace…or asterisk. I don't know how long I've had it but I always knew it was important. I feel like I've had it for a long time, but at the same time, it feels foreign to me. And last night, I…I think I found out why.”

She doesn't speak, obviously waiting for him to continue. If Ren gets this wrong, he doesn't know what he's going to do. It's a dangerous gamble, but Ren knows in his heart that he's right.

“You were the one who gave it to me.”

Her expression doesn't change, and Ren's heart sinks. “Suppose I _did_ give it to you. Let's pretend for a moment that this event happened. It's a precious artifact, that asterisk. Priceless, even. Why would I give up something so valuable to a stranger?”

“I don't know.” She scoffs at him but he cuts across her. “You said…that if we ever meet again and I remember your name…to return it to you. That you'll be waiting for me.”

Her eyes widen and her lips part in surprise. “Impossible…”

Ren smiles, slowly closing the distance between them as he speaks. Even as he takes a step forward, she takes one back, until she's up against a wall. “I know I don't have all the pieces yet but I know we have something connecting us. I really want to explore that connection. So please don't throw that away.”

“I… That's…” Her eyes dart everywhere but his face, so Ren decides to remedy that. He holds her chin in place with two fingers, and she freezes. She doesn't struggle or demand that he let her go, so Ren takes it as the sign it is and closes the distance between their faces.

Her lips are soft and hot under his. Just as Ren is starting to think that this was a bad idea, she grabs hold of his face and kisses him back, hard.

Ren's brain nearly short-circuits as he processes that she's given him consent and she actually does still want him even after all that dancing around Akechi. His hands roam her body and she responds eagerly as he starts to move their lips together.

God, he's been wanting this for so long. It's been _months_ of waiting and all that pent up sexual frustration has finally been released. So what if he's a little rough? She doesn't seem to mind. In fact, she actually begins tugging at his clothes.

In the back of his mind, Ren knows that not everything is back to normal. Her relationship with the Phantom Thieves is going to take some work, but they have time. Even with Akechi sniffing around their heels, he feels confident that he can make this work. (First Name) still has some secrets of her own, and she might be in a good enough mood after this to trust him with those secrets.

But for now, he lets their bodies do the talking as he's swept away in a haze of neediness and lust.

* * *

When he gets back to Leblanc some hours later, he finds Futaba and Morgana waiting for him, their expressions grim.

“Is something wrong?” Ren asks tentatively. Do they know what just transpired between him and (First Name)? It's not impossible for Futaba, but he's a little miffed that Morgana ratted him out like that.

“You were right, Ren,” Futaba says, and it's not what he was expecting her to say. “Akechi really is planning to betray us. And that's not all. Listen to this.”

She presses a button on her phone and Akechi's voice filters out through the speaker, his voice curiously cold and unlike anything Ren has ever heard before.

“ _I have good news on that front. The mighty Phantom Thieves pose as a united front but the truth is, they are anything but. They are inefficient, fragmented. And the best part is that one of their members has defected.”_

A slow trickle of horror trails down Ren's spine but Akechi isn't finished.

“ _I offered them to join our cause and they have given me valuable information about how they operate. With their help, I was able to create a foolproof plan to capture their leader. And once this rogue member has outlived their usefulness, I'll simply arrange an…accident. How does that sound?”_

Futaba presses a button and the recording ends. “So there you have it. (First Name) has officially betrayed us. I knew she couldn't be trusted. But now that we know…what are we going to do, Ren?”

Ren feels like he's been hit over the head with the weight of a thousand suns. He doesn't know up from down. Oh god. He's dizzy, but he can't show weakness in front of his teammates. They're depending on him to be their fearless leader and if he can't be what they need him to be…what does Ren even have at this point?

And (First Name)… please let this be some sort of sick joke…

_Please…_

_Someone… just tell me what to do…_

_(First Name)… was I too late?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying really hard to get to the ending of this arc, but it's just been fighting me so hard. My dear readers deserve better.


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